Still moving..

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Still looking for a new home. I am on top of the list for section 8 which could supplement my rent where am and have an appointment with them in Catskill on Tuesday. wish me luck. Had offered to take the empty but now rented 1 BR cottage with garage,next door,put things in garage out of sight,affordabley but landlord refused. Yet she complains of my things outside. I can't afford to pay anyone to remove it to a storage site or pay for one so there it stays. despite saying she would let me stay if paid her which did,back due money,she still wants me out and is threatening court action. I tried and it is hopeless with this unreasonable woman(akama,ana bergen,saugerties,ny Tantra Products/Tantra Saugerties, NY. (845) 247 9010. Ray & Akama Bergen: the Hero Goddess Institute In order to keep our marriages secure most of us relate as if love and freedom ...what a bunch of crap. she's about as spiritual and sexy as a snake in heels.) who is spiteful and a bully. All can say to new tenant is good luck,will need it with her. she rehabbed their place to get tenant but be assured she will do nothing once in as is her m.o. she is horrid. she says i bad mouth her on net like here and on craigslist but have to vent somewhere no don't I? if complain her a bout disrepair of place,she retaliates which is illegal but she has the upper hand and uses it. now she doesn't even mow my grass which I pay for in rent. sher threatened to keep my security if I moved so wouldn't have anything to give who is spiteful and a bully(why held rest of money to move with,starting eviction from her in response). All can say to new tenant is good luck,will need it new landlord. seems best to go to court as can't find a place but one up the pike in herkimer county but not mine yet as had to fill out and mail them more forms. will speak to judge and tell my side of story..prefer to find place that takes section 8 as after year can move anywhere in US with it and not stuck in HUD,senior/disabled housing with gossipy,busy body neighbors as was my experience there in past,losing my section 8,having to wait 5 years to get again,ugh.. hard to believe these people offer,therapy,help to anyone as they are so creepy,greedy and nonspiritual in every way and downright ugly. what a scam. see their bogus web site now. he may be a therapist as claims but what qualifies her i ask to give any advice?! goddess my foot!

Welcome

Welcome!!



You can change your LIFE simply by how you look at it NOW and altering the way you think. Stop giving your personal power to others and what they think of you and what you do and create your own reality and world that brings you joy. Get out of your rut. This zaps your energy because it creates hopelessness and sadness. Some action may be required but it's worth it. It may be scarey but we have to give up some things,people to have some thing better. ex. you will not meet a new one for a relationship if you are still with the old one. It is important to do own thing and if you are even friends with someone cotrolling thru anger if doesn't get own way and words and actons on your part have failed..it is important tahtn for you to set limits without even saying it. Make yourself suddenly busy,unavailable,minimize contact,go out more and get to know others. cAn be scarey meeting new people and possibly facing rejecton but isn't bad if done in an activity where people are meeting for an art class and may go for coffee after. You can speak of you but don't hog chat. Ask about next person. Be aware if you feel like complaining,drop judgement,accept all,don't compare. be present in the moment. Not in past or future. Be open to new experiences instead of being so influence by the bad that may have happened. Block it out and stay busy. If live in apast or future dyou poo on today. Make yur realtiy better by the things you do daily. Create your own beautiful world. Note* This takes time,just as you didn't get this way over nite,you will not get healthier quickly either. You will improve tho if you commit yourself to this daily. Set a goal. click on page that pertains to what you want to work on.

Altho I am an artist the focus of this site is on health and how to maintain good overall health using SPIES. This encompasses the whole human being's needs and not just one part. I give you tips on how to tap into the spiritual,physical,intellectual,emotional and social parts to self and feed those needs daily. The art is my creative side which I think we all have. I find it relaxing and rewarding:) There is an emphasis on the emotional as I am trying to heal my damaged emotions.

This is a personal site as opposed to just commercial. Ofcourse I do welcome if you choose to buy from my stores to which I am an affiliate and my art(sketches,paintings) and photography as well as some of my modeling photos. My blog is an extension in parts to living healthily today like Drama Triangle which can find in blog.



Proceed if over 18 (as has Adult subject matter and some of my art which includes some artistic modeling I did.)




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©2006

walking closely with God

and doing the next sober thing..I am keeping self,pets,home safe. I also feed my wild birds,bunnies out back. All I have control over. I do what can. Good Karma.

As far as career goes.. I say I am an artist. I have made $ off modeling but will only do projects I feel comfortable with. I had done cam chat too but am not doing it anymore as fed my addiction. As for addiction...my first feeble attempts at intimacy were met with abandonment. I thought man would stick by me once we "did it". Not the case..on to next is what they do. Is best not to rush into it unless know real well. Nice in theory but being human hard to control hormones. I also found with rejection is was less painful to have sex when I wanted it but soon it became a compulsion. I also felt embarrassed and guilty by what did as double standard for women. I tried to fight this as a feminist and as men did. In reality I was not a man and had more to risk than a man and paid the price.

Of late I journal in blog here and yes I have the web site so I guess I am sharing my experience,strength and hope with others on this same road. Yes we can live with this,we do not need to be ashamed as is a a sickness like any other and yes we can get better. It does take time. Don't let anyone put you down.

I am trying to come to terms with what has happened to me..the why's,how's and so on. From my understanding..I was hurt by some pretty sick people who them selves were hurt. Also it made them feel better about selves to pick on me for being different and not doing to 9-5 job or whatever their problem with me was. None of their business. It took focus off them. I in turn hurt people by following the drama triangle...one minute perpetrator,next minute victim next minute rescuer..I caught self in it with friend the other day and I caught my self and I said what he does is not business. When I get plank out of my eye can take out speck in his. I had to look at good in him and there is alot there. I have no right to hurt another. I am far from perfect yet he accepts me,cares and isn't judging.

I also resented the men I was hurt by who used me and in turn I said well use him back. I know they feared intimacy like me and settled for this way of getting close if only for a night..which was a misuse of sex and addictive.

I didn't know how to relate to anyone in a healthy way as I didn't accept me. I never was accepted for me. I do now with my flaws and mistakes. I am human. I was brought up to be perfect so human was not acceptable. I am a human being not doing. I have learned it's not about me or you but God. To do what is necessary daily and not just what I want. It doesn't mean I don't have some thing to contribute like my writing as I think I have some thing to say based on what I have learned. I have a place in this world and don't need to excuse myself for being on the planet anymore. I think in this way I can relate to others and be kind without trying to save them,control them and then persecute them when they do not do as I say like I am God and then play the victim. I can only handle me and man that is enough.

So for today I can say I am writing. As a model yes some stuff was published in book,magazine,on web sites,private collectors and yes I was paid so am accomplished by society's standards. I even had a poem published. I have written articles for news paper.

These days I would say I am trying to find some thing to get absorbed in and feel good about. What is a success? Could be many things..being a good parent,having a career,being a good spouse...is a person thing. For me it is having a purpose for good and living a decent life and when I put my head on the pillow being able to live with me. It is not about money. All I need is enough to get by. I don't date as I need to get strong enough in me so don't repeat behaviour of past so I stop being hurt. I am taking care of me and don't need a man to complete me.