May Came and Went...

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To the Editor:

May was and is Mental Health Awareness Month yet this year May came and went in Columbia-Greene counties with no mention of Mental Health,except at (MHA) Mental Health Association who had an open house here in Hudson. In past years there have been 'Out of the Darkness' marches both in Hudson and Catskill to remember those lives lost to this devastating illness and it's impact on those families and friends left behind. It seems like most things unless it touches us in some way personally,we can turn a blind eye to it. I believe Mental and emotional illnesses touch everyone's lives in some way. Many Americans lose days at work due to their emotional state of mind which costs companies money. The government has had to pay a heavy price financially to support many who can't work as the 'system' as it is called, is very flawed and would rather put a bandaid on the problem rather than treat it. They are penalized if try to work as government takes half of check. Where's the incentive in that? This is not to say that people don't go to therapy and take the medication to be some what stable. Unfortunately this is not enough. Many live on the fringes of society or are recluses in their homes as they fear the public and visa versa. 'That which we don't understand we fear'. How do you get to know a person? Simple. You talk to them. Everyone has a story. If we can identify with one another and drop the judgement as none of us are better than another,we would see how similar we are. I suppose that is what frightens us is that it could happen to us. People with mental challenges need to be assimilated into society. Companies need to become willing to hire those with disabilities and let them do something. They can't be expected to do what someone who doesn't have this can. I believe before people come to the job,the company needs to provide it's employees with training on mental health illnesses,thinking,feeling,behavior so that they can work with them. Ex. Someone may have problems with concentration or memory so it is better if things be written down for them on a post it like 'need 5 copies'. I believe there is a solution if we are willing to look for one. Obama wants the unemployment rate cut. The state and country are broke. Social security and Medicare are threatened. I say the party is over. Was it such a party anyway? Unlike what many Americans who have to work every day,believe,many of those on the government rolls are hanging on by a thread and not living high on the hog. Granted there are some who play the system and have some illegal family business going on to which even it's children are a part of as are born into it. For many though I believe, if they could get help finding a job they could do and get the proper training and support to keep it and work with them and bosses should any confllict come up on job,they would gladly work. This will not happen in a day as from being out of work years,many have developed poor habits,let alone having a good work ethic. For some,a job full time is not reasonable as their functioning level is not high enough to cope. Perhaps working part time or volunteering is the answer. I believe everyone who is unemployed should be contacted and worked with so that they can serve society in some capacity as this develops self esteem and makes our country stronger by having people in it who are happier and a part of this country they inhabit rather than existing leading mundane,meaningless lives. Many were abused as children and are still as adults as are easy targets to bullies anyone who just wants to make a pot shot at them. When did this become ok? The reality is they are more often the victims of crime and are taken advantage of as are gullible,trusting,passive and are often alone as ARE FRIENDLESS.

Many of us have family members who suffer from depression,anxiety,panic attacks,phobias. In fact 1 in 4 Americans will have a mental illness at some point in their lives. 1 in 10 young people between the ages of 13 and 25 have a mental illness. The suicide rate is growing amongst our teens and returning military who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, at an alarming rate. Many service men and women have head injuries. This too is not easily understood as they bring on changes in mood,behavior such as anger outbursts,low frustration tolerance,depression,feeling overwhelmed. What was easy to do such as do several things in a day, is now difficult. Perhaps they can only do the laundry, in time. It is important that those with any mental health challenge, whether it be mild head injury,emotional illness(which are learned patterns of behavior based on one's environment),mental illness(which runs in families so there are some genetic reasons for this biochemically,is often caused by abuse and neglect as children or some traumatic event such as being a crime victim or hurt by domestic violence),developmental delays,autism,etc. )not compare themselves with those who don't . The same could be said of society who can be often very cruel to these people. Notice I say people as they too feel pain,are someone's sister,brother,daughter,son,friend. For many sadly, their families and friends have rejected them as they don't understand them. They can't relate to how they think and it does get 'old' and frustrating very quickly. Many can be dependent on families both financially and emotionally and the family member can get sucked in. This is called codependence. A similar pattern happens with those who have chemical dependencies. A triangle is played out where each person is either the victim,persecutor or rescuer.

Mental illness like addiction is a family illness. It is very treatable and many can lead satisfying,autonomous lives. Some even have families of their own. These are the fortunate ones. So many are not. These we see in our jails,homeless living in the streets and shelters,are part of the sex industry,are involved with selling drugs,hooked on drugs or drink or dead at their own hands or the hand of another.

I think May should not be the only day we address mental illness in this country or when a Columbine happens at our schools often due to bullying from other students and victimizing another student so he comes in with a gun. When someone jumps off the Rip Van Winkle bridge,like what happened last year we say”he had a history of mental illness' like it's an explanation and somehow ok and not worth worrying about as it's not someone we knew. N oone was born this way. These illnesses don't usually show themselves until someone is between 16 and 18. The individual is often shy and sensitive. The answer perhaps is to incorporate into therapy not to take what others say and do personally as is how we are. We have become an extremely rude,crude,inconsiderate ,angry and mean-spirited society. Ask anyone who serves the public and they will say that they can't stand people and when they go home they want to be alone. This is sad as many of us have jobs and don't want to be treated like this. If it's hard for us out there,can you imagine how hard it is for someone with a disability? Do you think these tormented souls need your wrath,ridicule,stupidity and disdain hurled at them because you are miserable? How hard would it be to smile or say hello when someone says hello to you? If you don't perhaps it's your problem more than theirs. Maybe you need to look at yourself.

Cairo is where the mental health clinic is. It serves many people in this community,especially low income individuals trying to deal with the stress of their lives. It is in an old building shared by some other offices including HUD,case management for those with mental illness who need someone to visit them weekly in their homes or take them somewhere. These people also advocate for those who have trouble doing so so that they get benefits like Social Security,HEAP,etc. Perhaps they help if person is having a housing conflict with a neighbor or landlord. The sheriff also is in this building right off the waiting room behind a dark partition watching you when you. If your not paranoid coming in you sure are when you leave. Though so many people come to this clinic, don't be looking for a new building to be built anytime soon as this is not the priority here. Having a library overall apparently is going to bring people to a town where the village looks like a ghost town of empty store fronts as most people have no money. The unemployment rate is staggering and there is a rift between the classes as wide as the bridge that separates Hudson from it. The officials of the town only care about the ones they can relate to who are doing ok. Forget about those who are living in an unweatherized cottage with their pets because they have nowhere else to go and no one to help them get there. That is their problem they say. They brought it on them selves.Many oft them would tell you that they are good ol' Christians as they attend mass on Sundays to ease their consciences. A small group of people run this town and don't welcome outsiders and any new ideas they may have. They think if it aint broken why fix it. Unfortunately it is very broken. The only thing good about Cairo is it does have some stores one can walk to,hAS A NICE pARK AND HAS SOME EVENTS IN IT LIKE SOME FAIRS. The rest of the year it is dead as a door nail. When you walk down the street be prepared to be ignored or talked about unless you fit in with their way of thinking. I think building a new library is fine,just not an expensive one. We need better transportation more so people could look,get work out of this area like in Albany,Kingston, I think they should be given money for bus fare too.

This area (Columbia Greene county) has a reputation for having horrible mental health services. We are told to be grateful not in some third world country and that we get any at all, when in fact the USA is becoming more and more like one. One can only see therapist every other week. Larger cities like Albany,White Plains have compeers(regular people in the community who volunteer their time to do something weekly with the outcasts amongst us). Perhaps taking a walk together or having a cup of jo' is what will help. One doesn't always need a pill but that is what the doctors like to give you as is easier and quicker as they send you on your way.
Also having a care line(run by volunteers for when people call in and are in pain in between appointments and is not an emergency) would be helpful. Also a support group one could go to weekly to just check in and touch base in between appointments would be good too.

Learning to advocate for and assert yourself is key here. Similar to how AA works, one who has gotten better,helping another, is the answer here. Who cares more than those who have these issues and can relate as having dealt with them. Many are empowering themselves and have become better for the struggle as they can help another as they are miracles and survivors. There is no shame in this. We did not cause this it's about taking responsibility for ourselves and being the best we can be and taking care of us. I have participated in the empowerment movement with organizations like (NYAP RS) NY Association for Rehabilitative Svcs., by writing to and meeting with legislators,marching at the capital to pass the parity bill (so people get therapy,doctor visits and medication paid by their job's insurance like any other physical condition as it is one.) There is an imbalance of serotonin in the brain that can cause one to feel depressed. The same is true of schizophrenia(physical causes),anxiety,etc. Why then should people be penalized when they act nervous,sad,etc.?

An organization called Active Minds is working with many students who have illnesses on college campuses so that they feel comfortable to get help. They are telling,sharing their stories to help erase the stigma associated with this illness. NAMI, National Association for the mentally Ill has educated the public on these illnesses,Patty Duke,Morley Safer,Catherine Zeta Jones,Linda Hamilton have helped put a face on mental illness by coming out and sharing they have it and live with,manage it. Hospitals no longer keep patients locked up but release them after a week when the insurance runs out. It costs about $600/day to kee someone in a hospital so it is more cost effective to send them home.

We have come a long way since the days when people were locked up and treated in their filth by doctors up until the 30's,forced (ECT)electric shock therapy to treat depression in the 40's,atrociities exposed by Meredith Viera at an institution in NJ years ago when she was with 20/20,concerning Willowbrook, in the 70's,potrayals in movies like 'One flew over the Cookoo's Nest',the emptying of instutions in the50's, 60's to the streets with no after care,the actions of Rudolf Guliani to hide the homeless and get them out of Grand Central Station so regular folks didn't have to be harrassed by pan handlers when they bought train tickets or when politicians came to town in the 80's. Many ended up going underground and live actually below NYC in tunnels or can be seen keeping themselves warm huddled around burning metal garbage pails. The bottle bill helped many and saved lives as it gave those addicted a way to buy their drug or drink without hitting someone over the head for some money to do it. There are some advocates who work with the homeless and try to get them their benefits,into housing,drug,alcohol treatment,therapy,medication denied them as they have no address or they are too sick to get them themselves as they don't stay on the medication. Medication and advances in therapies and knowledge about these disorders has helped improve the lives of many.

I believe we are not too far off before we find a genetic gene for this and it can be prevented. Already some are getting what is like a pace maker, put in their necks to give a shock to the brain to stimulate it to help with resistant depression that different drugs haven't helped. There is some risk here though. PET scans of the brain actually show a difference in how a person with depression's brain functions vs. a healthy persons in that certain areas are more active and a different size than in the depressed person's.

People with mental illness are perhaps the most courageous,misunderstood,maligned people you ever will meet.We are far from weak but have great inner strength to endure like Auschwitz victims in this society being treating worse than criminals as 5h class citiens. It is not easy to walk outside when your mind is telling you many are laughing,talking about you and some are. Being by oneself 90% of the time because no one wants to spend time with you even when you try to be friendly,ask them if they want to do something,like the therapist suggests,is not pleasant. Is what mental illness is. Is a distorted view of reality and the world. The irony is that society has a misconception of this too. Self help books like Feeling Good can help one see when their thinking is stinking but it is not the end all and be all. Many have a psychiatric service animal like a dog which people don't understand and try to make you feel weird about, to help them with their symptoms. For many depressed people,their only friend is their pet. Is there any wonder why they stay depressed in such an oppressive society? We are told not to carry the suitcases of our pasts and troubles with us and live one day at a time in the now when the now is pretty crumby, the way it is and the future is far from bright. Is very sad when so many of us are intelligent,creative people with a lot to offer the world.

-Ann Reilly

People with disabilities Network needed...

Spam deleted..

for when someone with a disability needs help now like for instance my dog was ill two days ago,appearing weak,lame and some vaginal swelling,bleeding and she is spayed so not normal(turns out ate pine from wreath with lacquer on it. thankfully threw it up today.). if had money,could take her to vet. Don't as have disabillities that get in way of holding down a regular job(if had to would have tapped into rescue group nearby for help but they help cats) which is why I am an artist who sells her work,namely jewelry to shops,at craft fairs and individual sale to supplement my disability income which isn't much.   Had 3 % increase only to get $10 deduction in food stamps,a $13. increase for year. la di da. Why go after little bit I have? Isn't goal independence,to live independently as possible in community using least government money? I was told by by vesid had to find own job,job coach there only for a short time in prejudiced company as attitudes awful. In east greenbush remember company who hired disabled successfully. could learn from them. Inclusiion not segregation. do jobs like filing,copying so others can do more detailed work. shared job with other person so worked pt. creative solution. dss said I would find it hard to find job could do alone mostly as mostly service jobs and I also have spine,knee injury so no stock work. I am a great advocate though and teach people daily if care to listen what is to have disabilities but live on own with dignity. What does a politician who supposedly represents me and my concerns as a democrat get? He can't relate to me and how I can't even afford to wash my clothes at a laundry mat! I said to one recently,Lennon of Cairo 'why not use skype instead of traveling if country is so bankrupt? He replied"interesting". (is business as usual in good ol' Cairo despite it being a new year as the same old cronies are in office happy their pockets are full) except for Ted Banta,the realtor who never met. Good luck is all can say to him as won't change any of their minds as they lack vision and they sit on their hands and pass the buck and if you confront them on anything they disagree with you on they blow you off with a line like we got to answer this call,have an appointment and so on doing as l9ittle as possible most of them.. experts at that but don't do anything to help anyone but themselves and their own. The cronies are all connected from the top to the bottom including town oficials in town hall,building dept. who are connected to the police dept and so on,how cosey! Just one big club while the rest of the town is dirt poor living on welfare,social security,unemployment as many lack talent,intellect,schooling,social,conflict resolution,ange  r management,sustaining employment skills and aren't stupid,lazy.. How very sad. Is why Cairo is a mess and looks like a ghost town.(full of abandoned store fronts and broken dreams of people who atleast tried to make something here but then left in disgust). God forbid a Prattsville happened as many would be wiped out as hurting now daily while those in power 9ignore,avoid,don't talk to,look other way smiling on. What kind of example is being set for the youth growing up here? What option do they have but to leave after graduation from high school or community college as nothing here or stay but work in Albany,kingston.

Cut the fat, the real fat and waste here like business lunches on us,plane rides,mistresses,instead of my income,someone with disabilities for God's sake. Oh yeh I forgot , God isn't in politics. Separation of church and state. He has been removed off everything so as not to offend the atheists but it offends me a Christian so I will speak of him and if working if it is against my beliefs I will say so like some don't work Sundays.

+ will touch more on how else to trim the fat below like in relation to health care which is a popular topic these days.

Yes there are different organizations that supposedly advocate for those with disabilities like in Albany,NYAPRS,(New York Association for Psychiatric Rehabilitative Services),Center for Independence(I volunteered there when lived in Albany a year and helped pass the parity bill which entitles those with mental challenges to get medical coverage that those with physical illness get.) I met and wrote to /with legislators like Breslin who seemed sensitive to our concerns genuinely and didn't just say some BS line like they do and then pass the buck as they blow you off.  Then there's Disabled on the Move in Westchester and is Council for the Disabled in Catskill that doesn't seem to do much sorry. Chatted with woman who heads it Ms. Lucia as her son is autistic so relates to disability concerns especially mental. I shared how I can't really make much money here,although took art,jewelry classes,have skills,design,make,sell jewelry,art to shops at fairs, as don't have a driver's license and is hard to get around as poor transit system here(had spoken to first student and greene county transit,Office for the Aging(as transported my mom on local bus from nursing home and hit side of our home,didn't report happened and denied it when called on it as i reported it as my mom and had to let landlord know who then called bus company as minded my biz and left to her to do as she wanted. and didn't strap my mom in properly but left her chair just with lock on it on bus and she could have flown,not cool.) about this as well as Mr. Lennon,Democrat ticket  of Cairo to no avail. Felt sad aFTER AND THAT I ACCOMPLISHED LITTLE BUT TRIED ATLEAST. cHANGE ONly OCCURS WHEN ENOUGH PEOPLE GET TOGETHER IN FRUSTRATION AND step beyond their fears of repercussions and voice their concerns with a few common goals and ideas in common and do something,not just complain, to bring about a difference. I heard we have poor transit as they tried last year to join with other bus companies out of county like Ulster(at Saugerties border as that bus goes to Kingston mall and another to Woodstock. Also is a loop to Poughkeepsie and you could connect to Metro North to go to Westchester and NYC cheap. and  Columbia county(goes to Albany for $10 round trip from city shuttle,great deal or you can connect to Amtraak). Anyway thy said talks ended as had no money. Sure don't have any money as are paying for abled bodied people to sit home on their duffs as can't find work here so have given up so collect either unemployment or welfare.  No jobs here so one has to go to Kingston and Albany to get one,hello! A no brainer. Too bad will take time to travel.  Unemployment is hitting 8% in Greene county. How bad do things have to get before people stand up for themselves and demand action? I have multiple disabilities including head trauma,spinal injury,knee injury and some emotional issus from PTSD and do more than those who don't struggle with what I do daily.

Archives of Conferences on BPD

While I appreciate your comments to my posts, I would ask firstly that they pertain to topic and are not spam in nature. Thanks!

Just click on link of post title.

I have been having a hard time of late. Why? I suppose alot to accept. Don't have to like it though.

Alone alot as no close friends,any one to do things with or to help me if needed help even if for barter.

Making no money,not for lack of trying. Someone went to an event with me and I paid her back with jewelry make. I asked her if could do an event with me but she had plans. She has a job. Since don't hear from her,figure won't call anymore.

I know people but they have their own lives and problems so detach from me and mine.

type with 1 finger as need battery so hold pc plug or pc cuts off.

welcome to my life.

no car to get to events to sell jewelry. just had concert this weekend.
could have sold if got there. then there's the fee. how can I pay if don't have as not making it? could borrow from ma but her money. Am I a masochist as I have a solution but don't take it? No I don't like pain but avoiding it can be painful too when interferes with living your life. No guarantee will make anything and not gambling with mom's money.

Other than vending,nothing can do given my challenges. Yes I can share with you some things I do to cope like meditation,pray,stretch,deep breathe and so on..but not like I get beyond this. I feel with some support could. Did go to online recovery inc. meeting which helped. had anted to teach meditation class in town. librarians unfriendly tho i know skills. feel they on't call me. I also asked churches if could run ea and recovery inc meetings there. they need to look into it. I feel like will go nuts at times. Is meetups too where can invite people thru service online to group in area like for bpd. Don't think library would approve it. Meditation with someone,not me as stigmatize me,yes would approve. Keep me down here and broke. I could make money off it.

I think of moving as saw ad in Albany,1br for $400. I pay $650 now. Could save $,live better but why so cheap problem bad area. Pic looked nice. dunno. darned if do darned if don't. Mom in home here and would be hard to see her often as $34 round trip by bus and only run at rush hour so layover long back. Is doable and even though spend alot in car fare still cheaper than here. Would have $100 more a month.

Is a pain moving but hat is worse as sucks living here like this. If in Albany,could go to day time meetings,maybe get a p/t job somewhere,trauma therapist up there. I get treated like an alien here. They have family friends. Since I can't bond because of how raised, I don't. I wish could. Is best I keep my distance. As for a job,this comes up there too as can do for awhile but then falls apart. Sometimes I ish I was in a half way house but was for a month and they weren't supportive at all. Then I say how abot hospital,day program but then is the same. Just go to groups and alone rest of time as patients are either mean,noncommunicative,in on worlds,violent. Is why I think of suicide. I don't because of pets,mom,me but it gets tiring being me alot going thru this.

This only started recently as time on hands. I have to keep busy or get into my head.
with depression don't want to do much though so is the rub. I feel better after I do. Also I work programs daily like DBT,CBT,12 step,Recovery Inc,pray. Is like a seesaw. The devil,the illness,the negative thoughts,memories,anger,fear,every rotten thing anyone has done or said recently that I know on one side and the positive,secure thoughts,God,scripture from the Bible,program tools on the other. Is a war within myself going on. It stops after 8PM,has been like this for a long time, as day is done,only for it to start again the next day when rise. I enjoy being alone with my pets,being outside sitting in my yard alone at night,like the aloneness as no one understands here except someone else with this. I work hard to be honest,not manipulative. I am screaming inside,help me! Can't you see how much pain I am in? I just want some attention in a good way. Someone to talk to me nicely and not tell me what i should be doing like they understand where I am coming from as they don't. I have an exneighbor I see every once in awhile who is clueless as to why someone so smart as me and aware of her issues can't rise above them. The answer to that is if do too much I crack up.

Two things, I on't get involved with anyone nor will I work many hours. Why? If doesn't work out I will have a breakdown and be in hosital,not a nice place to be and be psychotic. I fear I won't get ot and will never return to any semblance of sanity which I do have. Is like I live in a parallel universe with the average person. I hear what are saying arond me but it is completely alien to my life. I hear commercials like this activity is going on this weekend. I can't get there so I stay home. I would like to go but no money either. If did though, I would appear perfectly normal as the mask i wear is so good. That is why noone has any compassion for me. They have to work for what have and figure so do I. What do you do with someone too imbalanced to? Live as I do I guess falling between a system that doesn't work,one day at a time in quiet desperation.

I get so tired of cli nical and text book reports of what BPD is. I want to know what one can do if they have it.

Solution

Solution

Now a days I take it a day at a time and do what is required in day but don't over load. I work in the flow. I have a few friends who are supportive and understanding of me in my life. I try to act not react and not be too high or low but am detached and say a mantra and silence the demons or negative thoughts . I keep to self alot as can't trust many now a days. Since I have company I am not as lonely and can tolerate being alone at times and amuse self with hobbies and such. I am learning boundaries for self and others. For the most part some don't get why I can't just do a 9-5 job. Their problem as I don't as have some medical problems. I don't need to be around them if they can't accept taht answer or me. I look at what I do have daily and am grateful.

Recovery is like the stages of Death and Dying 1.Denial 2. Anger 3.Barter 4.Depression 5.Acceptance

At first one denies has a problem. May say just shy or down once in awhile. Gradually one makes changes in life to accommodate the illness. One gets angry when told one has a diagnosis and addiction. They barter can I have this if I give up this?! Then one gets very depressed and hardly functions. Suicide is contemplated. Eventually comes acceptance and an honest desire to change to save one's life.

Therapies I have used are CBT and DBT. CBT,cognitive behavioral therapy involves making positive statements to each negative statement, thought or old core belief learned as a child. Feeling Good* is a great book that uses this therapy to overcome depression. DBT,dialectical behavior therapy was created by Marsha Linehan to help mostly people with bipolar and borderline cope with stress daily and function higher. It is broken down to 4 parts.

1.Mindfulness-concentrate on what do 2. Interpersonal Skills-Assert rather than be passive or aggressive. Set boundaries for self and others. Operate in mastery and willingness and do what is needed not willfulness. May feel guilt if make a mistake but remember we all do so let it go and keep trying. Don't beat on self. 3. Distress Tolerance- Improve moment by like doing some thing fun. 4. Emotion Regulation- calm self with deep breathing. Operating in wise mind a combination of emotional and logical but not only either so more detached so do what have to .

Meditate
I meditate before bed. I turn off all lights and light a candle while I burn incense to ward off evil. I put on a tape of relaxing music,tend to be alone,sit in a comfortable position and say a mantra of ancient Sanskrit holy words over and over as shuts off my mind. If thoughts come just bring back to mantra (can be an affirmation like I am a good person). I do this during the one side of tape and often turn it over to the other for and hour total. I even do it when on lines in stores. It really helps. You could say an affirmation tho like I am enough,do enough,have enough.

Recovery Tools

1. Alternatives-Use passion put not addiction like sex to a hobby such as art,yoga/stretching which helps my spine,walk/hike in woods communing with nature,playing with my cats,gardening,cooking,birding and feeding wild birds out back,listening to music,sing and play guitar,reading (like Luanna Rice).

2.Affirmations- I challenge negative self talk with positive. Even write it down.

3. Boundaries-set for self and others

4. Prayer-I pray in morning. "Prayer doesn't change God but him who prays".

4. Literature- I do spiritual and ODAt in Alanon readings each morning and contemplate on reading and apply to my life. I also like to read inspirational material too.

5.steps

6. traditions-place principles over personalities

7. humor

8.meetings- I attend (SLAA) sex love addicts anonymous as none in my area. Meetings help against isolation on which addiction thrives.

Misuse of sex damages love of self and capacity to love another. Intention of addictive behavior is to find love and feel good. Such behavior anesthetizes pain and feelings. Need to see what non addictive relationships look like. Communication is key and each can function ok with out the other.* Go from density to light.If codependent don't neglect own responsibilities by helping another. Don't do for someone who can do for self. Don't ask for advice or give it.

9. journaling- to get in touch with one's feelings and what is going on in life.

10. Spirituality- As a child I was baptized a Catholic. Through the years i looked for more than ritual mass. I went to different churches such as Baptist Bible study,listened to Jehovah witnesses,looked at Mormon bible,studied Buddhism by listening to audiotape "One's Buddha Nature" by Jack Kornfield who used to be a Buddhist monk. I like the practice of random acts of kindness or pay it forward. If someone helps you help another.

"The difference between me and others is that I am awake" -Buddha I like the Eastern ways and studied under an Indian guru Sant Takhar Singh thru the Know Thyself as Soul Foundation. Can find out more on it thru net. I went on retreats and learned to meditate. Says world is all illusion and how we need to watch what we put in mind such as music,tv,movies,books,magazines as it effects how we feel and behave and can corrupt us. We will only be happy when we align our will to God's. I also like Native American drumming and chanting. They believe in Shamanism , holy men and communication with the spirits. I like their respect for the land which they say is lent to us and is our responsibility to take care of but not own.

11.Service- Help another. Yes we have pain and suffering. But because we are made in image of God we have intellect and we know the truth..So tho we may be lost for a time when we enter into the life of Christ, the life of sacrifice which will end in death. For each of us we can find our own unique calling to give of our selves to increase grace and resemble the Lord and this may decrease friend's. Our greatest joy is when we give unselfishly.

12. Eat Right. More on eating healthy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Recommended Reading/Footnotes (as some material came from books)Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns,Recovery Inc. by Dr. Low,Women,SEx and Addiction by Dr. Kazl,Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie,Big Book by Alcoholics Anonymous,On Death and Dying by Kubler Ross,Bible




©2006

I need your help to...

spam deleted. Thanks! 'here's to your health!' https://i.capitalone.com/GnFbORQI7 ***Yes they kill many huskies too .. Pits,huskies, shepherds, Chihuahuas ...Most killed dogs!! FACT. Needs to change. Why? Pits obvious. Many idiots own them and can't control them. Need training as do the rest. High activity level and owners too lazy. They get as are pretty etc. But soon learn are over their heads! Not willing to put in the time so instead of rehomed and given a new life are dumped in the worst place could be! A kill pound. 1/10 pits make it out alive! FACT. Sheps and Huskies very active and need room to run or are destructive and bite. Chihuahuas over bred after Taco Bell commercials. Many wanted one. Rumor is at one point Taco Bell had horse meat in food. FACT! Did you know!!??? Pounds make money off dead dogs? Yes they do! Their bodies are sold to vet schools to be used. The others are sold to meat traders who render them into many things use daily as tallow. In your make up wearing!! Of course say don't to ease the minds of the disillusioned public. Most don't care about these dogs in life let alone death but I strangely do! I am their voice and I will no be silenced! They shoot horses don't they!!? Was a great film with Marilyn Monroe. She was great in it! She fought for the wild horses being rounded up in aerial copters as do today. Only here used to kill as used for dog food blatantly. Have you ever seen a wild stallion in the range in person? Not on tv. If you have enjoy it while you can as they are being shot...Maybe not by BLM...as deny that they kill them in round uos but get off public land. They claim they control population with birth control. The horses need to be monitored with drones just as they do with dog fighting rings,back yard breeders. We have satellites. Can be used to detect crime and act accordingly. Forest service,game wardens can't be there 24/7 but they can! We have the technology together we can....(rebuild him..6 million dollar man..ha ha...) but I think you get my drift here...No bad dogs just untrained...and dumb people. Who runs things!? People do. Duh. Ranchers,farmers don't like wild horses,burrows as are a nuisance they feel. Get on their land and are destructive. They don't like eagles, our national mascot! Wolves, coyotes,mountain lion,grizzlies,black bear,foxes,etc. are predators to their live stock and livelihoods. TX has a din view of animals. Ever watch a rodeo?!? Pretty brutal stuff for entertainment. A meeting if the minds is needed then now! Animals used like gladiators in the arena to be gawked at by stupid people! And man people are stupid! Hunt foxes on fenced in land in horses for kicks with hunting dogs. They know the poor things are on the property. They gather at set time and they are off galloping forth to find the poor fox who is outnumbered so can shoot it. Often before can get to shoot it the hounds have circled it and are yapping at it with bloody teeth! Oh what fun...I think not. I hate evil,cruelty,bullying like this as is done by weak scared people who fight dirty. Not one in one which is a fair fight but one against 5 who dislike the person and then another 10 or more who do nothing! Know about it and do nothing!! Have you ever been bullied!!? I have. It don't feel good. In my personal life I am up against it once again. Injustice with my housing. With God, higher power, force for good I will go forth. Just as I do here! I am blocked by many but I am shared by some. I think I have something to say! 'ENOUGH!'. If you agree, share my post. I am not speaking for the one dog in the pound here at Harris Cty pets that is of course just 2 and is healthy full of life loving and beautiful! Can you see him or her!? But...I am fighting for every dog,cat here,especially in high kill states' pounds like TX,CA...the highest killers...shame in you!! Such wealth you have. Lots of land but you don't care about your animals!! 10 a day MURDERED not euthanized as not beyond hope and I'll buy simply alone and next in line for SLAUGHTER!! If you have been bullied, you know what that feels like to be alone in a crowded room with no oasis of protection. Noone is coming to save you! Yes GOD is there for each of his flock when his or her time comes! You and me and them. Even the pig and the lamb at the slaughter house so you can eat! But tell me this...Must they suffer so you can!!??? I don't know how you sleep at night but I can't! Their cries haunt me...They should be stunned before their stuck in the chest but often workers do t do properly and they feel it! Chickens are culled and gassed,etc. What an saying we need to do this with some decency. Cams should be over alk areas at these places as well as pounds so we can see 24/7 so we can call to stop the injustices as are occurring! We do have the technology! We don't want to be Big Brother. We fought hard for our freedoms and still do. Not you or I surely but our service men and women on the line.Our police men and doctors nurses who saw us through COVID risking their lives! It wasn't long ago. Have you already forgotten!!?? 9/11 6 were going in to save people after the planes hit as the towers were falling! Have you already forgotten!?? The only requirement for Evil to prevail is for good menand women to do nothing! Most don't. Burry heads in the sand and are busy living their boring lives,self important in their own minds but ..often feeling sad and empty like something is missing. A life without service is a meaningless one! Have you helped any one today!!? Did you go out of your way to help someone who needed it or something. .without an audience to applaud you!!?...because it was the right thing to do. That is the hand of the divine..speaking to you and me if we listen to HIM in the quiet. When we tap into that we can be more than and do more than is humanly possible. That is what is required here. It takes a village. Not a bunch of people rogue. I see so many people in here sharing dogs. It is great and I applaud you but it is not working!! I have been here 7 months. I had a hand in saving 2 shepherds from kill pound,2 other dogs from the street. All in TX from NY home in NY!! They are all off the streets. I got a woman in Belgian Malinois Networking Group - Houston Area - Foster, Adopt Houston Area - Foster, Adopt to pay $1000 to get the pair out if Nueces pound or were going to be killed shortly! I did that!! That's who I am. The next time want to SPIT and block my posts because don't like what an saying. I am speaking the truth. There are enough of us here to really make a difference the right way!!! NOW!! I am going Jerry Maguire in you right now...and I am asking you to write your governor and mayor and say I want NY state to be NO KILL! They did it in VT,NH,MD. How come they did it!!? But CA,so liberal,health conscious..full of beautiful people...such wealth too.. can't!!?? Did you know you are the biggest killer of pit bulls especially but dogs in pounds in this country!???? You won the prize. Woo hoo! Di t you feel proud! You as a state have turned your backs in these most tortured, defiled dogs. The things done to them are unimaginable. I know. I have seen it. Tongues cut out in drug dens so cops when come in can't hear them...No you like in A Few Good Men can't handle the truth. But this is like a car wreck you can't take your eyes off can you!!! You are riveted. TX, you are the second highest killer. Systemically wiping out this breed of dog including Mama's and puppies and killing when pregnant so no more! Pups sometimes spared I my to be killed if sadly still there at 3 months!! I have seen it here and it makes me ill. How about you!?? Is this TMI? Someone smugly write me that as doesn't get what I am attempting to do here!! I can't do it alone! I need you! I wrote a petition to stop the killing. I have signed petitions. When serial cat killer is cooking cats in microwaves, he is finally arrested after..and can't do again but I say how did he get to that point and how did he kill one let alone many?!? He did because no one was paying attention. We really need to stand up and be present for one another daily. Good Samaritan should mean something. Like the 13 year old child;recently in PA..,(in other countries not...may have a family)..she screamed for help and help came! She is after all someone's child. In the mall in PA that was saved because people stepped up...when two men tried to grab her. If hadn't maybe she would be right now in the sex trade...human trafficked. Is happening right under your noses! I understand to function you can't care about everything and everyone 24/7!; But must you be so desensitized and numb to function with booze and drugs and distracted by tv,radio,cell phones and other media constantly so you can't feel anything???? Most days I just share these dogs and write these posts and share them and many say liked them. Thrown a bone. Good dog,girl..lady. But I don't do this for me. I did at first as my best friend died and I needed to get into something to cope with the pain I was left with. He died last September. I didn't want to be here after but I have 3 cats depending on me. Many have children after a tragedy so have to go on. After a couple of weeks people can be cruel as say get in with it. There is no right way to grieve but after 3 months of counseling and groups I started sharing here. Trolls are rampant in social media. Any one can hide behind their cell phones and PC's and spew awful filth out of their holes they call mouths and do. I have been subjected to it and I believe I am doing God's work here!! Many are called and few are chosen. Two paths can choose and still time to change the path on...This road if choose it is narrow. It is the one if truth. It is not for the weak but for those who have had Enough! I am those here who know what I mean..to help me help these least of these as is when di you have helped Jesus,God. I fervently believe we are being called to help them. The corruption and filth and evil coming from these kill pounds is overwhelming!! Do you feel it?!? Do you see it. I have been in them and it makes me ill. I applaud those who are there and fight for these dogs. The cats I think need to get out of all of them,! The feral, the strays that are not pets...need to go back to colonies were in and monitored by drones for protection and fed watered sheltered by Alley Cat Project nationally!! The country needs to fund this to get this mass feral population see across this country because people have dumped their pets in the streets rather than take to a pound because they know may be killed! Is this more merciful? To be hit by cars,have rocks thrown at,be set a fire by sick kids,etc.,poisoned like in Australia currently,their solution to obliterate and deal with the problem so don't kill birds and other species as are doing...It has gotten so bad because so many of you have looked the other way as you step over the bodies of the homeless as you run off to work to face the American dream! Does it even exist anymore?!? So many of us are killing ourselves to be a success. Whatever that looks like...be thin so starving selves...be rich...so I reworking selves, sacrificing our loved ones along the way. We say it is for the money and security and family we do it for but when was the last time you spent quality time with your family!?? So please before us too late and they are fine! People,animals,land,trees,whales(killing pilot whales in drives in Fallution isles)...living things matter more!! Than greed...the man .the jog..the career! May you find that out before you get divorced and lose them. Workaholism,alcoholism,drug addiction even in our doctors and nurses who operate on us high...is rampant...We are only as sick as our secrets. In the light if day when we speak on it it loses its power and grip on us. Addiction is bred in isolation and it is this isolation that is killing us! I do this to have some meaning to my life. I often feel I matter to noone but my cats and my God. Like a flock of geese..They get further in the updraft of each other's wings than they ever did alone! We too need each other even if we don't always like each other because we are all we got! Be conscious of those around you as walk through your days and don't be too afraid to feel and risk being hurt to do the next right sober thing! Dont always be about you and self absorbed and your crisis but be a friend and once in awhile listen and help them so not one sided. So many just take. I have this in own life so why am a loner as protect myself. I give people a chance and they take and take and then I back off. Is fine. Can entertain self. Learned at a young age. Rejected. But is my protection as I am not meant to run in the main daily as writers need alot of time alone. I observe. Try not to judge. Hard not to. But is it making me feel superior!?? I don't know you. Any of you really..what makes you tick. I do know that you are here and if you are it is be aide you care about these animals. If I am right. I am imploring you to WRITE to your local mayor governor senator and speak for those that can only bark or meow and are 7th in our society...animals! I do believe they have rights. We are violating them. Before we wipe out the pit bull...how about we save him?!? The right way. A good dog is a trained dog! Otherwise is a ride unmanageable pain in the A*s! Your choice. Training can be pricey so why so few do it. 75% of us have pets. They matter to us. Are family. We drop alot of coin in them because we value them! Yet .they are just 6th class citizens,chattle like women used to be before got the vote that now so few exercise as don't like any of the candidates do you !? I personally pick the best of the worst. Have you am ever met a politician that wasnt full of crap? Pick a platform or too and run with it. Try to please elderly,veterans,etc. You get the picture. Not helping me surely as I often feel abandoned and alone. Why I relate to the pit because so is he or she and gravely misunderstood. If handled properly,the are bright, loving, loyal. I have a healthy respect for them as mismanaged they are deadly. Did you know that more rottweilers not pits kill people? People need to muzzle them when out on 2 leads to harness,collar until you have under control or you own a deadly weapon! FACT! I have another post Save them! On my blog http://animalslargeandsmall.blogspot.com has many more points about shelter reform and animal welfare. Check it out! **** 2 years old! Can see in a minute is a nice healthy beautiful dog too!! I had my pit,am staff until she was almost 16! Lucked out with me huh?!???? Many good years before she declined and then it was about salvaging what could...to have quality of life. This poor dog never got a chance!! Is sickening. Caught up in the sick meat farm trade here in the U.S.! Oh yes we are horrified by the Chinese in China and Yulan fest. There it is done right in your face!! Too much for our palette and sensitive sensibilities so we condemn them when right under our noses this barbaric insanity is happening in 48/50 states! We all Know that these shelters or rather death camps are not overcrowded to the point can't do anything but kill them when time up for next victim who stays 3 days,gets adopted,fostered or killed too,pup,kitties included as merciless, jaded who do the killing. I can speak out against China and do and things are slowly changing for the better there because do in numbers.but.. Many died last month and were tortured to death for 10 days of blood letting. Fact!! Shouldn't have ..but not enough to stop the trucks full of caged dogs in top of one another in agony. How long do you think you could stand watching that!?? It is a numbers game here and we try to do the most good can. In some you see pups and kitties. Of course if well we try to save them. Pregnant dogs cats are killed to prevent more unwanted dogs cats as the babies grow quickly and in 3 months are not saved this time if on chipping block again. Fact! You at home get to pick and choose and moan over this and that and then get up and watch tv. Can feel good you tried and did anything at all when so many do nothing. Busy living their lives,work,go home, cook,clean,food shop,do wash,care for family,see friends occasionally and do it again...May throw a bit to charity to feel good. Is it enough to make a damn bit of difference here really!!??!? No I don't think so. The reality is ..these animals need to be moved to new places. If have 20o dogs and can only house 100 then build a new place! You have the $. BS if say don't. Doesn't have to be state of the art just as long are structures. TX has plenty of land,cheap land can use. Bureaucracy is stopping the derailed train. The powers that be are blocking this simple idea that is so obvious. Could make TX and CA, that are the biggest killers of pit bulls in the US, no kill right now!!! Can you see it!?? They need to do this they need to do that...Who is they!!? They is you and me! Don't like it!!?? Change it. What I am trying to do. Wake and shake you up out of your slumber. Trust me I know what is going on in the pounds and how much these cats suffer.. who shouldn't be there, TNR them ...return to where got from cat colonies and feed water shelter monitor with drones for safety and done! They are killing 70% of the cats get daily!! 55 % of the dogs!! FACT. Do you think that is a good rate!??? No I don't think so. How about save 90% Save?!!??? Build no kill dog refuges. Network and join forces with the other throw aways of society,your prisoners...being done daily in some prisons..Solving the problem cost effectively. Train free and give to disabled and police depts. !! Needs to happen across the board. In NC prisoners clean the cages. Frees up cleaning crew so can help walk dogs. Friendlies can be out loose in day in corrals as can friendly cats. Abused can get one in one socialization so adopted. As is now...no time ..shelters are crazy busy over crowded places. Could do so much more good than is done because is hard to effect change within the system. Why I stay on the outskirts. Sharing these dogs and cats saves lives! Regardless of what anyone says...things are better. We used to kill many more animals before social media. Many more now have a chance. Is 50/50. Dont know who will see them here. Even when the shelters are closed eyes are on them 24)7. Is miraculous the power here!! Can you feel it!? When people get sick and tired of being sick and tired they do something! I am sick of this killing. Are you!??? If so,join me and share this post with the world here! You be the voice they need. Help me get land,can build structures cheaply,even with used pallets,vacant farms,in foreclosure use..I,me want to open a dog rescue. I know a woman in Costa Rica saved 2,000 dogs on site now! That needs to be temp. Can take them in temp but they need to be going out too so more can come in and be saved. Is not a permanent residence. Ex. The Asher House in Oregon. He lives there with them. Picks who will save at shelters. They stay there and he networks with rescues to get them adopted. What he provides is TIME. He is a dog broker. A very vital part of the machine. Two guys in SC doing the same thing! They have saved 13,000 dogs so far!! Incredible. Do you see how it works!?? We need more Sanctuaries not kill pounds!! RI has hotel for dogs. Best Friends in UT has sanctuary. Big Dog Ranch and Rescue in AL and FL getting alot of border dogs from TX dumped. N. Shore Animal League,NY another. Yukon sanctuary in RGV ..WA husky ranch. TX:Jenni's Ranch,Bushnell farm,sanctuary, Villa Lobos of Pit bulls and Parolees fame..in MS too. AL,open field dog training... Hello! Is anyone home!??? Can you see what WE as a community need to be doing!?? We need to be building places for these dogs NOW! We need to be getting them out!!! NOW!!! Do you, you hear me!!??!!!?? If we don't do it now,these dogs killed today will just keep on being dog food for your pets tomorrow!! How many more Spots and Sally's must die before it is enough!!?? The ones running these places dont care. They are getting paid either way. Do you? Do you care!!? Have you had enough!??! If you do,share the sh*t out of this post!!! Obnoxious,maybe. Effective. You tell me! Are you comfortable!? Do I make you uncomfortable!! If I do then I did my job! My job is to save the poor suffering dog,cat in the cage;!!! I am not here to make you feel ok about this. Just to be clear. Crystal.

The boy who cried wolf/more on shooting

After the 50's and the atrocities at Willowbrook state mental institution was reported on by Geraldo Rivera of then 20/20 fame...millions of the so called mentally ill were released from mentall institutions throughout the US with no after care. It is not surprising that such individuals got in all sorts of trouble. Is a fact taht most are victims of crime. I know I have been and never physically hurt anyone in my life. Unfortunately in my case due to waht happened to me in the past and the trauma of it is effecting me today. My diagnosis is just used for insurance purposes and I am entitled to collect my disability as waht I worked many years for.
Ihope I don't do this too much so I get help when I really need it as I do call people often if I need to talk.

More on shooting..

Unless mental illness runs in your family or a friend has it,is of little interest to you. Is the way we are as people. Well..now it's in every body's face. It has been for a while but we have been desensitizing selves to it. Columbine,waht happened in the Amish area of PA,random attacks at our high schools across the country,road rage,home invasions are wake up calls to us that Houston we have a problem! 9/11 brought terrorism to our door step as before it was over sees for the most part and the occasional downed air liner like Lockhead in Scotland.

No sane person would have done what happened today,even I who is a bit wacky, like many of us are, as got to be to live in world today. Because of waht I have gone thru in my life makes me more compassionate to others. I choose to get out of problem into solution and have used a variety of supports such as 12 step,meditation and yoga.

I learned early on it is up to me to be stable. Some however are more dependent on a system that doesn't clearly work. Some therapy and medicine tho is better than the alternative. Therapy has trained many of them tho to be sheep. They say what's bothering them and expect therapist to have the answers. She/he is but a guide and the answers lie within. They are different for each person as are ur experiences. Perhaps this man went off his meds or was in denial he needed them as I was as I wanted to fit in in my 20's and my friends said you don't need em. Thsi is a very hard thing to accept and live with but I do. I am accountable to those who say those who have this aren't and mental illness does clearly exist. It has for thousands of years. Such people were always persecuted by society for being different. Let's not push the homeless underground for fear of going into shelters like Guliani did to clean the streets of them. WAs a blessing the bottle bill passsed as it saved many innocent lives as crime was up as homeless did mug them for booze and drugs. Why were they on the street? Because they didn't know how to keep up an apt. Now there are agencies helping them do so which is getting some of the street(saw this on NOW on PBS).

Not all peope with mental illness (notice I don't say mentally ill as is a label and many love to put people in boxes so they can understand them. People are more complicated than that.) are slackers and NUTS. Some like Abraham Lincoln who had depression and yet helped free the slaves and was our president,Morley Schafer of 60 minutes,Brooke Shields,Jane Pauley (bipolar), inda Hamiton (Terminator),Virginia Wolfe (writer),Vivien Leigh (Gone wiht the Wind),Marilyn Monroe (borderline personality disorder brought on by early child hood sex abuse and a mother who had schizophrenia)...to name a few. These are the faces of mental illness.

Unfortuantely not all of us are famous but we are sisters,sons,daughters,wives,husbands,neighbors,actor(Ben stiller),comediens(Freddie Prinze). We live amongst you and you would never know we have it in some cases unless we shared it. Many don't for fear of stigma. I am not scared of it or the stigma of people who don't know of this illness. My job is to stop stigma and educate the pubilc of these disorders that have killed the Timothys (Timothy Bill named and pushed thru in Congress because of persistence of father who lost his 13 year old son as he killed self from depression). Fortunately I am creative and enjoy art,photography and writing so i can express my self this way. Many of us are artists as we tend to be sensitive . We aren't people peole but give our selves to our art. We feel things deeply both the bitter and the better. Perhaps taht is why we have this which can be a gift(like a Mozart,edgar Allen Poe) as well well as a curse (like a Timothy Mcvey who was a genius).

How many more of us must die on both sides of the fence for us to start running for mental illness like we do for breast cancer?! We see the commercials now about drugs. Marie Osmond came out and spoke on it and was in Women's Day for heaven's sake (she battles depression). Are we all not accountable for our actions? Or do we just live with what we have like another lives with a thyroid condition. The only difference is the first can speak on it without others running and calling her a nut as she walks by or behind her back. Do you know how strong I have had to be to have survived this long since I was diagnosed with depression at 16 ?

It is not just being down but memory loss,poor concentraton,rapid mood swings,cycling. I also can only do but so much in a day as I don't deal wel with laot of pressure and doing thisngs quickly. No I am not retarded (and even taht is not the correct term) I know I want no pity but empathy and the occasional hi and chat and acceptance as can say as I just passed my 45th birthday I have never known that. I accept ,love,understand and respect me. when will you?! I hope I live to see it but until then I do what I have to do daily and draw my strength from God. Is how I lose my anger to others who choose to talk about,laugh at and ignore me when I am with someone else (they talk to them) They think differently and I also my fear as I know I do not walk alone. "He who knows God never walks alone". God doesn't create junk. People aren't junk. Every life is precious. We didn't just lose 32 innocent lives but we also lost another life of the boy who was lost sadly so many years ago. Some may say taht is a blessing but..he didn't come into the world this way. He was a product of the cruel world we live in today.

I hope we learn some thing from what happened today and taht these poor souls didn't die in vain. I hope we all try support good mental health in our comunities so instances like this can be prevented in the future as this is the only answer to this riddle that is the human mind.