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Monday, June 06, 2011

May Came and Went...

While I appreciate your comments to my posts, I would ask firstly that they pertain to topic and are not spam in nature. Thanks




To the Editor:

May was and is Mental Health Awareness Month yet this year May came and went in Columbia-Greene counties with no mention of Mental Health,except at (MHA) Mental Health Association who had an open house here in Hudson. In past years there have been 'Out of the Darkness' marches both in Hudson and Catskill to remember those lives lost to this devastating illness and it's impact on those families and friends left behind. It seems like most things unless it touches us in some way personally,we can turn a blind eye to it. I believe Mental and emotional illnesses touch everyone's lives in some way. Many Americans lose days at work due to their emotional state of mind which costs companies money. The government has had to pay a heavy price financially to support many who can't work as the 'system' as it is called, is very flawed and would rather put a bandaid on the problem rather than treat it. They are penalized if try to work as government takes half of check. Where's the incentive in that? This is not to say that people don't go to therapy and take the medication to be some what stable. Unfortunately this is not enough. Many live on the fringes of society or are recluses in their homes as they fear the public and visa versa. 'That which we don't understand we fear'. How do you get to know a person? Simple. You talk to them. Everyone has a story. If we can identify with one another and drop the judgement as none of us are better than another,we would see how similar we are. I suppose that is what frightens us is that it could happen to us. People with mental challenges need to be assimilated into society. Companies need to become willing to hire those with disabilities and let them do something. They can't be expected to do what someone who doesn't have this can. I believe before people come to the job,the company needs to provide it's employees with training on mental health illnesses,thinking,feeling,behavior so that they can work with them. Ex. Someone may have problems with concentration or memory so it is better if things be written down for them on a post it like 'need 5 copies'. I believe there is a solution if we are willing to look for one. Obama wants the unemployment rate cut. The state and country are broke. Social security and Medicare are threatened. I say the party is over. Was it such a party anyway? Unlike what many Americans who have to work every day,believe,many of those on the government rolls are hanging on by a thread and not living high on the hog. Granted there are some who play the system and have some illegal family business going on to which even it's children are a part of as are born into it. For many though I believe, if they could get help finding a job they could do and get the proper training and support to keep it and work with them and bosses should any confllict come up on job,they would gladly work. This will not happen in a day as from being out of work years,many have developed poor habits,let alone having a good work ethic. For some,a job full time is not reasonable as their functioning level is not high enough to cope. Perhaps working part time or volunteering is the answer. I believe everyone who is unemployed should be contacted and worked with so that they can serve society in some capacity as this develops self esteem and makes our country stronger by having people in it who are happier and a part of this country they inhabit rather than existing leading mundane,meaningless lives. Many were abused as children and are still as adults as are easy targets to bullies anyone who just wants to make a pot shot at them. When did this become ok? The reality is they are more often the victims of crime and are taken advantage of as are gullible,trusting,passive and are often alone as ARE FRIENDLESS.

Many of us have family members who suffer from depression,anxiety,panic attacks,phobias. In fact 1 in 4 Americans will have a mental illness at some point in their lives. 1 in 10 young people between the ages of 13 and 25 have a mental illness. The suicide rate is growing amongst our teens and returning military who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, at an alarming rate. Many service men and women have head injuries. This too is not easily understood as they bring on changes in mood,behavior such as anger outbursts,low frustration tolerance,depression,feeling overwhelmed. What was easy to do such as do several things in a day, is now difficult. Perhaps they can only do the laundry, in time. It is important that those with any mental health challenge, whether it be mild head injury,emotional illness(which are learned patterns of behavior based on one's environment),mental illness(which runs in families so there are some genetic reasons for this biochemically,is often caused by abuse and neglect as children or some traumatic event such as being a crime victim or hurt by domestic violence),developmental delays,autism,etc. )not compare themselves with those who don't . The same could be said of society who can be often very cruel to these people. Notice I say people as they too feel pain,are someone's sister,brother,daughter,son,friend. For many sadly, their families and friends have rejected them as they don't understand them. They can't relate to how they think and it does get 'old' and frustrating very quickly. Many can be dependent on families both financially and emotionally and the family member can get sucked in. This is called codependence. A similar pattern happens with those who have chemical dependencies. A triangle is played out where each person is either the victim,persecutor or rescuer.

Mental illness like addiction is a family illness. It is very treatable and many can lead satisfying,autonomous lives. Some even have families of their own. These are the fortunate ones. So many are not. These we see in our jails,homeless living in the streets and shelters,are part of the sex industry,are involved with selling drugs,hooked on drugs or drink or dead at their own hands or the hand of another.

I think May should not be the only day we address mental illness in this country or when a Columbine happens at our schools often due to bullying from other students and victimizing another student so he comes in with a gun. When someone jumps off the Rip Van Winkle bridge,like what happened last year we say”he had a history of mental illness' like it's an explanation and somehow ok and not worth worrying about as it's not someone we knew. N oone was born this way. These illnesses don't usually show themselves until someone is between 16 and 18. The individual is often shy and sensitive. The answer perhaps is to incorporate into therapy not to take what others say and do personally as is how we are. We have become an extremely rude,crude,inconsiderate ,angry and mean-spirited society. Ask anyone who serves the public and they will say that they can't stand people and when they go home they want to be alone. This is sad as many of us have jobs and don't want to be treated like this. If it's hard for us out there,can you imagine how hard it is for someone with a disability? Do you think these tormented souls need your wrath,ridicule,stupidity and disdain hurled at them because you are miserable? How hard would it be to smile or say hello when someone says hello to you? If you don't perhaps it's your problem more than theirs. Maybe you need to look at yourself.

Cairo is where the mental health clinic is. It serves many people in this community,especially low income individuals trying to deal with the stress of their lives. It is in an old building shared by some other offices including HUD,case management for those with mental illness who need someone to visit them weekly in their homes or take them somewhere. These people also advocate for those who have trouble doing so so that they get benefits like Social Security,HEAP,etc. Perhaps they help if person is having a housing conflict with a neighbor or landlord. The sheriff also is in this building right off the waiting room behind a dark partition watching you when you. If your not paranoid coming in you sure are when you leave. Though so many people come to this clinic, don't be looking for a new building to be built anytime soon as this is not the priority here. Having a library overall apparently is going to bring people to a town where the village looks like a ghost town of empty store fronts as most people have no money. The unemployment rate is staggering and there is a rift between the classes as wide as the bridge that separates Hudson from it. The officials of the town only care about the ones they can relate to who are doing ok. Forget about those who are living in an unweatherized cottage with their pets because they have nowhere else to go and no one to help them get there. That is their problem they say. They brought it on them selves.Many oft them would tell you that they are good ol' Christians as they attend mass on Sundays to ease their consciences. A small group of people run this town and don't welcome outsiders and any new ideas they may have. They think if it aint broken why fix it. Unfortunately it is very broken. The only thing good about Cairo is it does have some stores one can walk to,hAS A NICE pARK AND HAS SOME EVENTS IN IT LIKE SOME FAIRS. The rest of the year it is dead as a door nail. When you walk down the street be prepared to be ignored or talked about unless you fit in with their way of thinking. I think building a new library is fine,just not an expensive one. We need better transportation more so people could look,get work out of this area like in Albany,Kingston, I think they should be given money for bus fare too.

This area (Columbia Greene county) has a reputation for having horrible mental health services. We are told to be grateful not in some third world country and that we get any at all, when in fact the USA is becoming more and more like one. One can only see therapist every other week. Larger cities like Albany,White Plains have compeers(regular people in the community who volunteer their time to do something weekly with the outcasts amongst us). Perhaps taking a walk together or having a cup of jo' is what will help. One doesn't always need a pill but that is what the doctors like to give you as is easier and quicker as they send you on your way.
Also having a care line(run by volunteers for when people call in and are in pain in between appointments and is not an emergency) would be helpful. Also a support group one could go to weekly to just check in and touch base in between appointments would be good too.

Learning to advocate for and assert yourself is key here. Similar to how AA works, one who has gotten better,helping another, is the answer here. Who cares more than those who have these issues and can relate as having dealt with them. Many are empowering themselves and have become better for the struggle as they can help another as they are miracles and survivors. There is no shame in this. We did not cause this it's about taking responsibility for ourselves and being the best we can be and taking care of us. I have participated in the empowerment movement with organizations like (NYAP RS) NY Association for Rehabilitative Svcs., by writing to and meeting with legislators,marching at the capital to pass the parity bill (so people get therapy,doctor visits and medication paid by their job's insurance like any other physical condition as it is one.) There is an imbalance of serotonin in the brain that can cause one to feel depressed. The same is true of schizophrenia(physical causes),anxiety,etc. Why then should people be penalized when they act nervous,sad,etc.?

An organization called Active Minds is working with many students who have illnesses on college campuses so that they feel comfortable to get help. They are telling,sharing their stories to help erase the stigma associated with this illness. NAMI, National Association for the mentally Ill has educated the public on these illnesses,Patty Duke,Morley Safer,Catherine Zeta Jones,Linda Hamilton have helped put a face on mental illness by coming out and sharing they have it and live with,manage it. Hospitals no longer keep patients locked up but release them after a week when the insurance runs out. It costs about $600/day to kee someone in a hospital so it is more cost effective to send them home.

We have come a long way since the days when people were locked up and treated in their filth by doctors up until the 30's,forced (ECT)electric shock therapy to treat depression in the 40's,atrociities exposed by Meredith Viera at an institution in NJ years ago when she was with 20/20,concerning Willowbrook, in the 70's,potrayals in movies like 'One flew over the Cookoo's Nest',the emptying of instutions in the50's, 60's to the streets with no after care,the actions of Rudolf Guliani to hide the homeless and get them out of Grand Central Station so regular folks didn't have to be harrassed by pan handlers when they bought train tickets or when politicians came to town in the 80's. Many ended up going underground and live actually below NYC in tunnels or can be seen keeping themselves warm huddled around burning metal garbage pails. The bottle bill helped many and saved lives as it gave those addicted a way to buy their drug or drink without hitting someone over the head for some money to do it. There are some advocates who work with the homeless and try to get them their benefits,into housing,drug,alcohol treatment,therapy,medication denied them as they have no address or they are too sick to get them themselves as they don't stay on the medication. Medication and advances in therapies and knowledge about these disorders has helped improve the lives of many.

I believe we are not too far off before we find a genetic gene for this and it can be prevented. Already some are getting what is like a pace maker, put in their necks to give a shock to the brain to stimulate it to help with resistant depression that different drugs haven't helped. There is some risk here though. PET scans of the brain actually show a difference in how a person with depression's brain functions vs. a healthy persons in that certain areas are more active and a different size than in the depressed person's.

People with mental illness are perhaps the most courageous,misunderstood,maligned people you ever will meet.We are far from weak but have great inner strength to endure like Auschwitz victims in this society being treating worse than criminals as 5h class citiens. It is not easy to walk outside when your mind is telling you many are laughing,talking about you and some are. Being by oneself 90% of the time because no one wants to spend time with you even when you try to be friendly,ask them if they want to do something,like the therapist suggests,is not pleasant. Is what mental illness is. Is a distorted view of reality and the world. The irony is that society has a misconception of this too. Self help books like Feeling Good can help one see when their thinking is stinking but it is not the end all and be all. Many have a psychiatric service animal like a dog which people don't understand and try to make you feel weird about, to help them with their symptoms. For many depressed people,their only friend is their pet. Is there any wonder why they stay depressed in such an oppressive society? We are told not to carry the suitcases of our pasts and troubles with us and live one day at a time in the now when the now is pretty crumby, the way it is and the future is far from bright. Is very sad when so many of us are intelligent,creative people with a lot to offer the world.

-Ann Reilly

Sunday, January 15, 2012

People with disabilities Network needed...

Spam deleted..

for when someone with a disability needs help now like for instance my dog was ill two days ago,appearing weak,lame and some vaginal swelling,bleeding and she is spayed so not normal(turns out ate pine from wreath with lacquer on it. thankfully threw it up today.). if had money,could take her to vet. Don't as have disabillities that get in way of holding down a regular job(if had to would have tapped into rescue group nearby for help but they help cats) which is why I am an artist who sells her work,namely jewelry to shops,at craft fairs and individual sale to supplement my disability income which isn't much.   Had 3 % increase only to get $10 deduction in food stamps,a $13. increase for year. la di da. Why go after little bit I have? Isn't goal independence,to live independently as possible in community using least government money? I was told by by vesid had to find own job,job coach there only for a short time in prejudiced company as attitudes awful. In east greenbush remember company who hired disabled successfully. could learn from them. Inclusiion not segregation. do jobs like filing,copying so others can do more detailed work. shared job with other person so worked pt. creative solution. dss said I would find it hard to find job could do alone mostly as mostly service jobs and I also have spine,knee injury so no stock work. I am a great advocate though and teach people daily if care to listen what is to have disabilities but live on own with dignity. What does a politician who supposedly represents me and my concerns as a democrat get? He can't relate to me and how I can't even afford to wash my clothes at a laundry mat! I said to one recently,Lennon of Cairo 'why not use skype instead of traveling if country is so bankrupt? He replied"interesting". (is business as usual in good ol' Cairo despite it being a new year as the same old cronies are in office happy their pockets are full) except for Ted Banta,the realtor who never met. Good luck is all can say to him as won't change any of their minds as they lack vision and they sit on their hands and pass the buck and if you confront them on anything they disagree with you on they blow you off with a line like we got to answer this call,have an appointment and so on doing as l9ittle as possible most of them.. experts at that but don't do anything to help anyone but themselves and their own. The cronies are all connected from the top to the bottom including town oficials in town hall,building dept. who are connected to the police dept and so on,how cosey! Just one big club while the rest of the town is dirt poor living on welfare,social security,unemployment as many lack talent,intellect,schooling,social,conflict resolution,ange  r management,sustaining employment skills and aren't stupid,lazy.. How very sad. Is why Cairo is a mess and looks like a ghost town.(full of abandoned store fronts and broken dreams of people who atleast tried to make something here but then left in disgust). God forbid a Prattsville happened as many would be wiped out as hurting now daily while those in power 9ignore,avoid,don't talk to,look other way smiling on. What kind of example is being set for the youth growing up here? What option do they have but to leave after graduation from high school or community college as nothing here or stay but work in Albany,kingston.

Cut the fat, the real fat and waste here like business lunches on us,plane rides,mistresses,instead of my income,someone with disabilities for God's sake. Oh yeh I forgot , God isn't in politics. Separation of church and state. He has been removed off everything so as not to offend the atheists but it offends me a Christian so I will speak of him and if working if it is against my beliefs I will say so like some don't work Sundays.

+ will touch more on how else to trim the fat below like in relation to health care which is a popular topic these days.

Yes there are different organizations that supposedly advocate for those with disabilities like in Albany,NYAPRS,(New York Association for Psychiatric Rehabilitative Services),Center for Independence(I volunteered there when lived in Albany a year and helped pass the parity bill which entitles those with mental challenges to get medical coverage that those with physical illness get.) I met and wrote to /with legislators like Breslin who seemed sensitive to our concerns genuinely and didn't just say some BS line like they do and then pass the buck as they blow you off.  Then there's Disabled on the Move in Westchester and is Council for the Disabled in Catskill that doesn't seem to do much sorry. Chatted with woman who heads it Ms. Lucia as her son is autistic so relates to disability concerns especially mental. I shared how I can't really make much money here,although took art,jewelry classes,have skills,design,make,sell jewelry,art to shops at fairs, as don't have a driver's license and is hard to get around as poor transit system here(had spoken to first student and greene county transit,Office for the Aging(as transported my mom on local bus from nursing home and hit side of our home,didn't report happened and denied it when called on it as i reported it as my mom and had to let landlord know who then called bus company as minded my biz and left to her to do as she wanted. and didn't strap my mom in properly but left her chair just with lock on it on bus and she could have flown,not cool.) about this as well as Mr. Lennon,Democrat ticket  of Cairo to no avail. Felt sad aFTER AND THAT I ACCOMPLISHED LITTLE BUT TRIED ATLEAST. cHANGE ONly OCCURS WHEN ENOUGH PEOPLE GET TOGETHER IN FRUSTRATION AND step beyond their fears of repercussions and voice their concerns with a few common goals and ideas in common and do something,not just complain, to bring about a difference. I heard we have poor transit as they tried last year to join with other bus companies out of county like Ulster(at Saugerties border as that bus goes to Kingston mall and another to Woodstock. Also is a loop to Poughkeepsie and you could connect to Metro North to go to Westchester and NYC cheap. and  Columbia county(goes to Albany for $10 round trip from city shuttle,great deal or you can connect to Amtraak). Anyway thy said talks ended as had no money. Sure don't have any money as are paying for abled bodied people to sit home on their duffs as can't find work here so have given up so collect either unemployment or welfare.  No jobs here so one has to go to Kingston and Albany to get one,hello! A no brainer. Too bad will take time to travel.  Unemployment is hitting 8% in Greene county. How bad do things have to get before people stand up for themselves and demand action? I have multiple disabilities including head trauma,spinal injury,knee injury and some emotional issus from PTSD and do more than those who don't struggle with what I do daily.


Monday, October 03, 2011

Archives of Conferences on BPD

While I appreciate your comments to my posts, I would ask firstly that they pertain to topic and are not spam in nature. Thanks!

Just click on link of post title.

I have been having a hard time of late. Why? I suppose alot to accept. Don't have to like it though.

Alone alot as no close friends,any one to do things with or to help me if needed help even if for barter.

Making no money,not for lack of trying. Someone went to an event with me and I paid her back with jewelry make. I asked her if could do an event with me but she had plans. She has a job. Since don't hear from her,figure won't call anymore.

I know people but they have their own lives and problems so detach from me and mine.

type with 1 finger as need battery so hold pc plug or pc cuts off.

welcome to my life.

no car to get to events to sell jewelry. just had concert this weekend.
could have sold if got there. then there's the fee. how can I pay if don't have as not making it? could borrow from ma but her money. Am I a masochist as I have a solution but don't take it? No I don't like pain but avoiding it can be painful too when interferes with living your life. No guarantee will make anything and not gambling with mom's money.

Other than vending,nothing can do given my challenges. Yes I can share with you some things I do to cope like meditation,pray,stretch,deep breathe and so on..but not like I get beyond this. I feel with some support could. Did go to online recovery inc. meeting which helped. had anted to teach meditation class in town. librarians unfriendly tho i know skills. feel they on't call me. I also asked churches if could run ea and recovery inc meetings there. they need to look into it. I feel like will go nuts at times. Is meetups too where can invite people thru service online to group in area like for bpd. Don't think library would approve it. Meditation with someone,not me as stigmatize me,yes would approve. Keep me down here and broke. I could make money off it.

I think of moving as saw ad in Albany,1br for $400. I pay $650 now. Could save $,live better but why so cheap problem bad area. Pic looked nice. dunno. darned if do darned if don't. Mom in home here and would be hard to see her often as $34 round trip by bus and only run at rush hour so layover long back. Is doable and even though spend alot in car fare still cheaper than here. Would have $100 more a month.

Is a pain moving but hat is worse as sucks living here like this. If in Albany,could go to day time meetings,maybe get a p/t job somewhere,trauma therapist up there. I get treated like an alien here. They have family friends. Since I can't bond because of how raised, I don't. I wish could. Is best I keep my distance. As for a job,this comes up there too as can do for awhile but then falls apart. Sometimes I ish I was in a half way house but was for a month and they weren't supportive at all. Then I say how abot hospital,day program but then is the same. Just go to groups and alone rest of time as patients are either mean,noncommunicative,in on worlds,violent. Is why I think of suicide. I don't because of pets,mom,me but it gets tiring being me alot going thru this.

This only started recently as time on hands. I have to keep busy or get into my head.
with depression don't want to do much though so is the rub. I feel better after I do. Also I work programs daily like DBT,CBT,12 step,Recovery Inc,pray. Is like a seesaw. The devil,the illness,the negative thoughts,memories,anger,fear,every rotten thing anyone has done or said recently that I know on one side and the positive,secure thoughts,God,scripture from the Bible,program tools on the other. Is a war within myself going on. It stops after 8PM,has been like this for a long time, as day is done,only for it to start again the next day when rise. I enjoy being alone with my pets,being outside sitting in my yard alone at night,like the aloneness as no one understands here except someone else with this. I work hard to be honest,not manipulative. I am screaming inside,help me! Can't you see how much pain I am in? I just want some attention in a good way. Someone to talk to me nicely and not tell me what i should be doing like they understand where I am coming from as they don't. I have an exneighbor I see every once in awhile who is clueless as to why someone so smart as me and aware of her issues can't rise above them. The answer to that is if do too much I crack up.

Two things, I on't get involved with anyone nor will I work many hours. Why? If doesn't work out I will have a breakdown and be in hosital,not a nice place to be and be psychotic. I fear I won't get ot and will never return to any semblance of sanity which I do have. Is like I live in a parallel universe with the average person. I hear what are saying arond me but it is completely alien to my life. I hear commercials like this activity is going on this weekend. I can't get there so I stay home. I would like to go but no money either. If did though, I would appear perfectly normal as the mask i wear is so good. That is why noone has any compassion for me. They have to work for what have and figure so do I. What do you do with someone too imbalanced to? Live as I do I guess falling between a system that doesn't work,one day at a time in quiet desperation.

I get so tired of cli nical and text book reports of what BPD is. I want to know what one can do if they have it.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Solution

Solution

Now a days I take it a day at a time and do what is required in day but don't over load. I work in the flow. I have a few friends who are supportive and understanding of me in my life. I try to act not react and not be too high or low but am detached and say a mantra and silence the demons or negative thoughts . I keep to self alot as can't trust many now a days. Since I have company I am not as lonely and can tolerate being alone at times and amuse self with hobbies and such. I am learning boundaries for self and others. For the most part some don't get why I can't just do a 9-5 job. Their problem as I don't as have some medical problems. I don't need to be around them if they can't accept taht answer or me. I look at what I do have daily and am grateful.

Recovery is like the stages of Death and Dying 1.Denial 2. Anger 3.Barter 4.Depression 5.Acceptance

At first one denies has a problem. May say just shy or down once in awhile. Gradually one makes changes in life to accommodate the illness. One gets angry when told one has a diagnosis and addiction. They barter can I have this if I give up this?! Then one gets very depressed and hardly functions. Suicide is contemplated. Eventually comes acceptance and an honest desire to change to save one's life.

Therapies I have used are CBT and DBT. CBT,cognitive behavioral therapy involves making positive statements to each negative statement, thought or old core belief learned as a child. Feeling Good* is a great book that uses this therapy to overcome depression. DBT,dialectical behavior therapy was created by Marsha Linehan to help mostly people with bipolar and borderline cope with stress daily and function higher. It is broken down to 4 parts.

1.Mindfulness-concentrate on what do 2. Interpersonal Skills-Assert rather than be passive or aggressive. Set boundaries for self and others. Operate in mastery and willingness and do what is needed not willfulness. May feel guilt if make a mistake but remember we all do so let it go and keep trying. Don't beat on self. 3. Distress Tolerance- Improve moment by like doing some thing fun. 4. Emotion Regulation- calm self with deep breathing. Operating in wise mind a combination of emotional and logical but not only either so more detached so do what have to .

Meditate
I meditate before bed. I turn off all lights and light a candle while I burn incense to ward off evil. I put on a tape of relaxing music,tend to be alone,sit in a comfortable position and say a mantra of ancient Sanskrit holy words over and over as shuts off my mind. If thoughts come just bring back to mantra (can be an affirmation like I am a good person). I do this during the one side of tape and often turn it over to the other for and hour total. I even do it when on lines in stores. It really helps. You could say an affirmation tho like I am enough,do enough,have enough.

Recovery Tools

1. Alternatives-Use passion put not addiction like sex to a hobby such as art,yoga/stretching which helps my spine,walk/hike in woods communing with nature,playing with my cats,gardening,cooking,birding and feeding wild birds out back,listening to music,sing and play guitar,reading (like Luanna Rice).

2.Affirmations- I challenge negative self talk with positive. Even write it down.

3. Boundaries-set for self and others

4. Prayer-I pray in morning. "Prayer doesn't change God but him who prays".

4. Literature- I do spiritual and ODAt in Alanon readings each morning and contemplate on reading and apply to my life. I also like to read inspirational material too.

5.steps

6. traditions-place principles over personalities

7. humor

8.meetings- I attend (SLAA) sex love addicts anonymous as none in my area. Meetings help against isolation on which addiction thrives.

Misuse of sex damages love of self and capacity to love another. Intention of addictive behavior is to find love and feel good. Such behavior anesthetizes pain and feelings. Need to see what non addictive relationships look like. Communication is key and each can function ok with out the other.* Go from density to light.If codependent don't neglect own responsibilities by helping another. Don't do for someone who can do for self. Don't ask for advice or give it.

9. journaling- to get in touch with one's feelings and what is going on in life.

10. Spirituality- As a child I was baptized a Catholic. Through the years i looked for more than ritual mass. I went to different churches such as Baptist Bible study,listened to Jehovah witnesses,looked at Mormon bible,studied Buddhism by listening to audiotape "One's Buddha Nature" by Jack Kornfield who used to be a Buddhist monk. I like the practice of random acts of kindness or pay it forward. If someone helps you help another.

"The difference between me and others is that I am awake" -Buddha I like the Eastern ways and studied under an Indian guru Sant Takhar Singh thru the Know Thyself as Soul Foundation. Can find out more on it thru net. I went on retreats and learned to meditate. Says world is all illusion and how we need to watch what we put in mind such as music,tv,movies,books,magazines as it effects how we feel and behave and can corrupt us. We will only be happy when we align our will to God's. I also like Native American drumming and chanting. They believe in Shamanism , holy men and communication with the spirits. I like their respect for the land which they say is lent to us and is our responsibility to take care of but not own.

11.Service- Help another. Yes we have pain and suffering. But because we are made in image of God we have intellect and we know the truth..So tho we may be lost for a time when we enter into the life of Christ, the life of sacrifice which will end in death. For each of us we can find our own unique calling to give of our selves to increase grace and resemble the Lord and this may decrease friend's. Our greatest joy is when we give unselfishly.

12. Eat Right. More on eating healthy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Recommended Reading/Footnotes (as some material came from books)Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns,Recovery Inc. by Dr. Low,Women,SEx and Addiction by Dr. Kazl,Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie,Big Book by Alcoholics Anonymous,On Death and Dying by Kubler Ross,Bible


Health,mental,addiction,alternative,spiritual,healing,stretching,good food,light,fresh air,hobbies,animals,blog,journal,

©2006

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The boy who cried wolf/more on shooting

After the 50's and the atrocities at Willowbrook state mental institution was reported on by Geraldo Rivera of then 20/20 fame...millions of the so called mentally ill were released from mentall institutions throughout the US with no after care. It is not surprising that such individuals got in all sorts of trouble. Is a fact taht most are victims of crime. I know I have been and never physically hurt anyone in my life. Unfortunately in my case due to waht happened to me in the past and the trauma of it is effecting me today. My diagnosis is just used for insurance purposes and I am entitled to collect my disability as waht I worked many years for.
Ihope I don't do this too much so I get help when I really need it as I do call people often if I need to talk.

More on shooting..

Unless mental illness runs in your family or a friend has it,is of little interest to you. Is the way we are as people. Well..now it's in every body's face. It has been for a while but we have been desensitizing selves to it. Columbine,waht happened in the Amish area of PA,random attacks at our high schools across the country,road rage,home invasions are wake up calls to us that Houston we have a problem! 9/11 brought terrorism to our door step as before it was over sees for the most part and the occasional downed air liner like Lockhead in Scotland.

No sane person would have done what happened today,even I who is a bit wacky, like many of us are, as got to be to live in world today. Because of waht I have gone thru in my life makes me more compassionate to others. I choose to get out of problem into solution and have used a variety of supports such as 12 step,meditation and yoga.

I learned early on it is up to me to be stable. Some however are more dependent on a system that doesn't clearly work. Some therapy and medicine tho is better than the alternative. Therapy has trained many of them tho to be sheep. They say what's bothering them and expect therapist to have the answers. She/he is but a guide and the answers lie within. They are different for each person as are ur experiences. Perhaps this man went off his meds or was in denial he needed them as I was as I wanted to fit in in my 20's and my friends said you don't need em. Thsi is a very hard thing to accept and live with but I do. I am accountable to those who say those who have this aren't and mental illness does clearly exist. It has for thousands of years. Such people were always persecuted by society for being different. Let's not push the homeless underground for fear of going into shelters like Guliani did to clean the streets of them. WAs a blessing the bottle bill passsed as it saved many innocent lives as crime was up as homeless did mug them for booze and drugs. Why were they on the street? Because they didn't know how to keep up an apt. Now there are agencies helping them do so which is getting some of the street(saw this on NOW on PBS).

Not all peope with mental illness (notice I don't say mentally ill as is a label and many love to put people in boxes so they can understand them. People are more complicated than that.) are slackers and NUTS. Some like Abraham Lincoln who had depression and yet helped free the slaves and was our president,Morley Schafer of 60 minutes,Brooke Shields,Jane Pauley (bipolar), inda Hamiton (Terminator),Virginia Wolfe (writer),Vivien Leigh (Gone wiht the Wind),Marilyn Monroe (borderline personality disorder brought on by early child hood sex abuse and a mother who had schizophrenia)...to name a few. These are the faces of mental illness.

Unfortuantely not all of us are famous but we are sisters,sons,daughters,wives,husbands,neighbors,actor(Ben stiller),comediens(Freddie Prinze). We live amongst you and you would never know we have it in some cases unless we shared it. Many don't for fear of stigma. I am not scared of it or the stigma of people who don't know of this illness. My job is to stop stigma and educate the pubilc of these disorders that have killed the Timothys (Timothy Bill named and pushed thru in Congress because of persistence of father who lost his 13 year old son as he killed self from depression). Fortunately I am creative and enjoy art,photography and writing so i can express my self this way. Many of us are artists as we tend to be sensitive . We aren't people peole but give our selves to our art. We feel things deeply both the bitter and the better. Perhaps taht is why we have this which can be a gift(like a Mozart,edgar Allen Poe) as well well as a curse (like a Timothy Mcvey who was a genius).

How many more of us must die on both sides of the fence for us to start running for mental illness like we do for breast cancer?! We see the commercials now about drugs. Marie Osmond came out and spoke on it and was in Women's Day for heaven's sake (she battles depression). Are we all not accountable for our actions? Or do we just live with what we have like another lives with a thyroid condition. The only difference is the first can speak on it without others running and calling her a nut as she walks by or behind her back. Do you know how strong I have had to be to have survived this long since I was diagnosed with depression at 16 ?

It is not just being down but memory loss,poor concentraton,rapid mood swings,cycling. I also can only do but so much in a day as I don't deal wel with laot of pressure and doing thisngs quickly. No I am not retarded (and even taht is not the correct term) I know I want no pity but empathy and the occasional hi and chat and acceptance as can say as I just passed my 45th birthday I have never known that. I accept ,love,understand and respect me. when will you?! I hope I live to see it but until then I do what I have to do daily and draw my strength from God. Is how I lose my anger to others who choose to talk about,laugh at and ignore me when I am with someone else (they talk to them) They think differently and I also my fear as I know I do not walk alone. "He who knows God never walks alone". God doesn't create junk. People aren't junk. Every life is precious. We didn't just lose 32 innocent lives but we also lost another life of the boy who was lost sadly so many years ago. Some may say taht is a blessing but..he didn't come into the world this way. He was a product of the cruel world we live in today.

I hope we learn some thing from what happened today and taht these poor souls didn't die in vain. I hope we all try support good mental health in our comunities so instances like this can be prevented in the future as this is the only answer to this riddle that is the human mind.

Raise Mental Health Awareness Today (May=Mental Health Month)

Raise Mental Health Awareness Today (May=Mental Health Month)
Why are there no runs for Mental Health?!

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Henry Hudson River

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