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Sunday, March 25, 2007

More bipolar (BP) links ...

called Beautiful Blonde Bitch

She has bipolar like me and is a cam girl like what I did for a few years. She also speaks of her days stripping. Says how she doesn't need to recover..Is contradictory as in same breath she says how bad she feels. Part of why she feels bad is taht she is in a profession taht objectifies women and opens the door to more abuse as an adult. the same door taht was opened as a child. At taht time we couldn't do much about it. Now we can. Just for today..as I am an addict and sex is one of my problem areas..I CHOOSE not to go there,just for me. I can't speak for anyone else. She is quite creative and bright. Writes poetry,does art,writes well..I suppose like me she has a hard time connecting to others and making $ in ordinary professons due to abuse and the trauma and obsessive thoughts and behaviours brought on by it. Also includes cronic depression. I do hope in time she can get out of an industry that makes $ off people's sex addictions. Is a known fact taht those in adult industry ahve been victims of sex abuse and sex is misused so as to become an addicton. Once it becomes compulsive and one isn't controling it and it controls them it is addiction. Man takes the drink and the drink takes the man..I am trying one day at a time. I am aware,not in denial and am dealing with the urges when they come. The biz is a power trip and we get off by the attention men give us by telling us how pretty we are and such while they wank off and tell us what to do. Can even get off to being told waht to do. I have used sex like a drug. Yeh we all get horny but it goes to extreme. Why? first time was with a guy and after he acted like he didn't know me and I in response died. Yes a part of me died taht day. Just like the innocent chid in me died. All this stuff kills the spirit and we are but left with a shell. One copes wtih feelings with addictions. I am brave enough to go thru the journey of facing my demons and opening pandora's box and letting them out and slaying them one by one. How? I am not just doing it alone..but wit my 12 step group,God and a good freind. They accept me,have compasson and don't judge. It takes one to know one,it takes one to help one. Peace -Ann

Another site here,on Bipolar

Here's another site for bipolar onbipolar help Over a million people visited this site. should tell you something huh?!) Yeh there are many out there with this diagnosis. Yet many of us are treated like freaks to live on the fringes of society. I function but that is where I live. Thank God I am not homeless. I also have a voice in my writing.




1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You left such a thoughtful comment on my blog!

Ha. Men are such assholes.

My first experiences with sex were beautiful and orgasmic. I'm lucky... but I was dumb and thought that it would be the same way with everyone, that they would appreciate me afterwards and treat me like a goddess-- like my first lovers did.

Ouch.

Funny you mention vanessasue-- I surfed on her blog a few months ago and then again last night. She sounds like a total riot. The escorting would be tough, though. I think it is too physically dangerous -- probably like webcamming but meeting those guys in person (90% okay, but there's always the 10% which are totally beyond crazy).... I really have sympathy for those who choose that profession. I think that prostitution should be decriminalized and that the health issues surrounding it need to be more seriously addressed (rape and STD prevention).

I need to get back to doing webcamming. It's fun. I did really well last year when I got on for no more than 3 hours, 5 days a week. That was just enough to NOT burn me out and make me happy and having fun. I approached it like a game.... but the psycho landlady from hell complained too much, and THAT was a total mood-kill. I have a camcorder with a remote control zoom lense. I ordered an inflatable chair so that I'm not using my wobbly office chair... and hopefully will be set up by the end of this week.

It is always the hardest part, starting. Once I am "on" I enjoy acting and roleplay, ALOT.

I think I never outgrew playing "lets pretend" and "what do you want to be when you grow up".

I met a woman who wants to take fashion pics of eachother. She seems cool, so we're going to try to get to gether and take some pics of eachother to submit to agencies.

I would never do porn, unless Vivid offered me a contract :) Really- the STD thing scares the hell out of me. The ONE time when I had sex without a condom I caught herpes (I was sort of assaulted, so not like I even chose not to use a condom).

Michael is cool though. Men are incredibly understanding about Herpes- it is women who can be the most judgmental....

Anyway thanks so much for your thoughtstream!

I love how you always say what's on your mind, don't censor yourself, and are so expressive with your writing and want to help others. I think that it goes along with some of the modeling/webcam stuff- the desire, the urge, to create.

It is beautiful, isn't it?

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