Still have cellulitis..

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on my arms contracted from itching my poison ivy.
Am taking antibiotics for it so better but still there as itchy and scratch and gets  red again,swells. Just need to give it time.  had made a poultice of apple cidar vinegar and hot water and dipped  gauze in it an applied to wounds but may have been too strong and burned it.

March is Brain Injury Awareness Month..

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All can say is wear your helmet if riding bike. Also before talking about someone with a mental disability within ear shot of them that you are being rude and would you want the same treatment about your shortcomings?! Yes we all have them. Remember you too can get this injury. Also 1 in 4 people will have a mental illness at some point in their lives. ex. a death of a parent and one gets very down leading to depression beyond the average grief process,if there is such a thing. Remember people with mental challenges whether it be ADD,autism,mental illness,head injury,brain tumor,brain aneurism,etc. deserve the same respect you would give someone with physical illness because it is. Many with mental illness are so because of chemical imbalance in brain making them depressed. When down don't want to do                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    much.

pc fixed

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so can write a post... not much going on. Just taking it a day at a time walking with God,using cognitive and dialectical behavior therapies. Got a new therapist. He's nice. Hopefully he can assist me in resolving some issues to improve  my functioning and life. Enjoy listening to and watching Joyce Meyers and Charles Stanley to give  me encouragement and direction in my walk with Christ so am not sidetracked by the negative thoughts from me and mean comments and actions from others around me. Know is of the devil who wants to defeat me. Says to trust Him and His promises for me and my life if obey Him. Say aloud 'Satan get under my feet' and he will flee! When walk walk with Him so ignore others as just petty people who are lost and 'if he is for me who can be against me?' It is already done and written. He died for me. That's how important you and I are. Let us get together as Christian people who love the lord and support each other and not look at differences which divide us in disharmony but what unites us as the devil loves it when we are angry at another,confused,fearful to speak to them about the issue at hand and especially when we stay away from the rest of the flock at church as he can work on beating us up. What do you think? Have you had this happen to you? What did you do?

Please,no spam as is deleted. Thanks!

Not much to say. Just touching base with those who read this blog and my posts. Would be nice once in awhile to get a comment on how health blog helps you as I feel am talking to the wind sometimes.

People with disabilities Network needed...

Spam deleted..

for when someone with a disability needs help now like for instance my dog was ill two days ago,appearing weak,lame and some vaginal swelling,bleeding and she is spayed so not normal(turns out ate pine from wreath with lacquer on it. thankfully threw it up today.). if had money,could take her to vet. Don't as have disabillities that get in way of holding down a regular job(if had to would have tapped into rescue group nearby for help but they help cats) which is why I am an artist who sells her work,namely jewelry to shops,at craft fairs and individual sale to supplement my disability income which isn't much.   Had 3 % increase only to get $10 deduction in food stamps,a $13. increase for year. la di da. Why go after little bit I have? Isn't goal independence,to live independently as possible in community using least government money? I was told by by vesid had to find own job,job coach there only for a short time in prejudiced company as attitudes awful. In east greenbush remember company who hired disabled successfully. could learn from them. Inclusiion not segregation. do jobs like filing,copying so others can do more detailed work. shared job with other person so worked pt. creative solution. dss said I would find it hard to find job could do alone mostly as mostly service jobs and I also have spine,knee injury so no stock work. I am a great advocate though and teach people daily if care to listen what is to have disabilities but live on own with dignity. What does a politician who supposedly represents me and my concerns as a democrat get? He can't relate to me and how I can't even afford to wash my clothes at a laundry mat! I said to one recently,Lennon of Cairo 'why not use skype instead of traveling if country is so bankrupt? He replied"interesting". (is business as usual in good ol' Cairo despite it being a new year as the same old cronies are in office happy their pockets are full) except for Ted Banta,the realtor who never met. Good luck is all can say to him as won't change any of their minds as they lack vision and they sit on their hands and pass the buck and if you confront them on anything they disagree with you on they blow you off with a line like we got to answer this call,have an appointment and so on doing as l9ittle as possible most of them.. experts at that but don't do anything to help anyone but themselves and their own. The cronies are all connected from the top to the bottom including town oficials in town hall,building dept. who are connected to the police dept and so on,how cosey! Just one big club while the rest of the town is dirt poor living on welfare,social security,unemployment as many lack talent,intellect,schooling,social,conflict resolution,ange  r management,sustaining employment skills and aren't stupid,lazy.. How very sad. Is why Cairo is a mess and looks like a ghost town.(full of abandoned store fronts and broken dreams of people who atleast tried to make something here but then left in disgust). God forbid a Prattsville happened as many would be wiped out as hurting now daily while those in power 9ignore,avoid,don't talk to,look other way smiling on. What kind of example is being set for the youth growing up here? What option do they have but to leave after graduation from high school or community college as nothing here or stay but work in Albany,kingston.

Cut the fat, the real fat and waste here like business lunches on us,plane rides,mistresses,instead of my income,someone with disabilities for God's sake. Oh yeh I forgot , God isn't in politics. Separation of church and state. He has been removed off everything so as not to offend the atheists but it offends me a Christian so I will speak of him and if working if it is against my beliefs I will say so like some don't work Sundays.

+ will touch more on how else to trim the fat below like in relation to health care which is a popular topic these days.

Yes there are different organizations that supposedly advocate for those with disabilities like in Albany,NYAPRS,(New York Association for Psychiatric Rehabilitative Services),Center for Independence(I volunteered there when lived in Albany a year and helped pass the parity bill which entitles those with mental challenges to get medical coverage that those with physical illness get.) I met and wrote to /with legislators like Breslin who seemed sensitive to our concerns genuinely and didn't just say some BS line like they do and then pass the buck as they blow you off.  Then there's Disabled on the Move in Westchester and is Council for the Disabled in Catskill that doesn't seem to do much sorry. Chatted with woman who heads it Ms. Lucia as her son is autistic so relates to disability concerns especially mental. I shared how I can't really make much money here,although took art,jewelry classes,have skills,design,make,sell jewelry,art to shops at fairs, as don't have a driver's license and is hard to get around as poor transit system here(had spoken to first student and greene county transit,Office for the Aging(as transported my mom on local bus from nursing home and hit side of our home,didn't report happened and denied it when called on it as i reported it as my mom and had to let landlord know who then called bus company as minded my biz and left to her to do as she wanted. and didn't strap my mom in properly but left her chair just with lock on it on bus and she could have flown,not cool.) about this as well as Mr. Lennon,Democrat ticket  of Cairo to no avail. Felt sad aFTER AND THAT I ACCOMPLISHED LITTLE BUT TRIED ATLEAST. cHANGE ONly OCCURS WHEN ENOUGH PEOPLE GET TOGETHER IN FRUSTRATION AND step beyond their fears of repercussions and voice their concerns with a few common goals and ideas in common and do something,not just complain, to bring about a difference. I heard we have poor transit as they tried last year to join with other bus companies out of county like Ulster(at Saugerties border as that bus goes to Kingston mall and another to Woodstock. Also is a loop to Poughkeepsie and you could connect to Metro North to go to Westchester and NYC cheap. and  Columbia county(goes to Albany for $10 round trip from city shuttle,great deal or you can connect to Amtraak). Anyway thy said talks ended as had no money. Sure don't have any money as are paying for abled bodied people to sit home on their duffs as can't find work here so have given up so collect either unemployment or welfare.  No jobs here so one has to go to Kingston and Albany to get one,hello! A no brainer. Too bad will take time to travel.  Unemployment is hitting 8% in Greene county. How bad do things have to get before people stand up for themselves and demand action? I have multiple disabilities including head trauma,spinal injury,knee injury and some emotional issus from PTSD and do more than those who don't struggle with what I do daily.

paid site down..

Spam deleted.

Wasn't making money off it. Had free trial. Cancelled with company! around Xmas when due to expire free trial but since holiday,offices closed and was billed $ 41. I called Vistaprint and they removed fee. Sadly my bank billed me $ 35. Eventhough I have no overdraft protection so if money not there,not supposed to cover transaction. Bank rep. Said best can do is remove $ 15. Of $ 35. Fee. I said need money took to live as on tight disability income with disabilities. He said would speak to supervisor. Left #. Still no call back. Will follow up next week.

Typing on new portable,wifi pc using pen. Prefer just typing on regular size key board but Android cheap,$ 100. so trying it out. Have a month til decide to return to CVS where got or not. It is by Craig. So far have seen no number to call for any support but an email and 90 day waurantee only. No cam but has some apps free like games,radio stations can't get here,some organization tools like calendar,note taking. For $ 92. , saw another mini laptop +7" with cam and ship. Also had seen one with cam and year tech soft,hard ware support with 2 GB android. Also one in windows same price,no cam. Have heard from techie better with windows as Android often has problem. Windows pricey so good if in it. I do want,need cam to replace damaged Fuji. Had sent it back to company. Rebuilt $ 90. With zoom,4 mpx,video. Still need to research options better.

Come to my meditation Class...

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and meet me at town hall in Cairo,NY. Runs fro 6 PM-8PM. Suggested donation is $5.00 I have more info on my web site Artzstuf so just click on link above. Hoe to see you there!

Also don't forget to come to our holiday stroll 11/26 also in Cairo on main street. I will be at Gallagher's as a crafter/artist selling my jewelry,art. Runs from 3:30-7 PM. free admission,refreshments,vendors,parade,tree lighting to welcome in the holiday season.

Have a Happy,safe Thanksgiving all!

Got some food from food pantry today for Thanksgiving and...

While I appreciate your comments to my posts, I would ask firstly that they pertain to topic and are not spam in nature. Thanks!

also got a couple of coupons from them so could get milk and a roasted chicken from the super market. It looked like was having nothing til some lady on bus told me food pantry giving out food. Cat food running low and just bought it. Will call first and get some Tuesday from them hopefully.

I also spoke to pastor and volunteers about my situation,how make jewelry,art and can't get around to sell it,how broke am,how alone am here as noone to do things with,just now people as acquaintences,not really friends. They suggested come to Bible study and could get a ride home after. Seemed sincere. Said they struggle too but together and it helps. I will give it a shot Wednesday eve.

Denise from church comes by once in a while with a donation like dropped some rubber back curtains she had as place live in is unweatherized. Have reached the point like being alone,especially at night as most people am around, I find annoying in some way within a short period of time.

Had wanted to have mom come to home for Thanksgiving not Thanksgiving day,hang out with cats,have a nice relaxing meal,watch a movie,listen to music..but have meditation class Monday night so can't do it as she can't be alone. I guess can just visit Tuesday with a bottle of grape juice in a bottle that looks like wine,something. I can also make a nice meal,freeze some of it like make a nice chicken salad and bring it next Monday with some home made mashed potatoes(will freeze them). They are having a nice meal at the nursing home she is at so she will have a nice holiday. Also having a tree trimming party 12/1/11 but I can't make that either as is late in day and have to catch b us. Will pay for her ornament to place on tree atleast as it supports their recreation programs. Mom enjoys the activities which is good as her roomie stays in the room and some stay in bed. I had my mom outside on grounds alot this past summer when visited and sometimes she was out front on own in wheel chair.

Am glad she's in a safe place and the staff is ok with her,not great as some idiots there. They say hi to her roomie and ignore my mom when enter room. I will mention this to main nurse. I sometimes am at a loss as to what to do as don't want to make things worse for her or rock the boat.

Artzstuf - Artzstuf,welcome - Cairo, NY

obviously people did read it so not all bad.Artzstuf - Artzstuf,welcome - Cairo, NYhad a post linking to my temp. free for a month trial blog that is now down. had hoped to get some buzz,biz from it. click here to see my site on Square free.

Archives of Conferences on BPD

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Just click on link of post title.

I have been having a hard time of late. Why? I suppose alot to accept. Don't have to like it though.

Alone alot as no close friends,any one to do things with or to help me if needed help even if for barter.

Making no money,not for lack of trying. Someone went to an event with me and I paid her back with jewelry make. I asked her if could do an event with me but she had plans. She has a job. Since don't hear from her,figure won't call anymore.

I know people but they have their own lives and problems so detach from me and mine.

type with 1 finger as need battery so hold pc plug or pc cuts off.

welcome to my life.

no car to get to events to sell jewelry. just had concert this weekend.
could have sold if got there. then there's the fee. how can I pay if don't have as not making it? could borrow from ma but her money. Am I a masochist as I have a solution but don't take it? No I don't like pain but avoiding it can be painful too when interferes with living your life. No guarantee will make anything and not gambling with mom's money.

Other than vending,nothing can do given my challenges. Yes I can share with you some things I do to cope like meditation,pray,stretch,deep breathe and so on..but not like I get beyond this. I feel with some support could. Did go to online recovery inc. meeting which helped. had anted to teach meditation class in town. librarians unfriendly tho i know skills. feel they on't call me. I also asked churches if could run ea and recovery inc meetings there. they need to look into it. I feel like will go nuts at times. Is meetups too where can invite people thru service online to group in area like for bpd. Don't think library would approve it. Meditation with someone,not me as stigmatize me,yes would approve. Keep me down here and broke. I could make money off it.

I think of moving as saw ad in Albany,1br for $400. I pay $650 now. Could save $,live better but why so cheap problem bad area. Pic looked nice. dunno. darned if do darned if don't. Mom in home here and would be hard to see her often as $34 round trip by bus and only run at rush hour so layover long back. Is doable and even though spend alot in car fare still cheaper than here. Would have $100 more a month.

Is a pain moving but hat is worse as sucks living here like this. If in Albany,could go to day time meetings,maybe get a p/t job somewhere,trauma therapist up there. I get treated like an alien here. They have family friends. Since I can't bond because of how raised, I don't. I wish could. Is best I keep my distance. As for a job,this comes up there too as can do for awhile but then falls apart. Sometimes I ish I was in a half way house but was for a month and they weren't supportive at all. Then I say how abot hospital,day program but then is the same. Just go to groups and alone rest of time as patients are either mean,noncommunicative,in on worlds,violent. Is why I think of suicide. I don't because of pets,mom,me but it gets tiring being me alot going thru this.

This only started recently as time on hands. I have to keep busy or get into my head.
with depression don't want to do much though so is the rub. I feel better after I do. Also I work programs daily like DBT,CBT,12 step,Recovery Inc,pray. Is like a seesaw. The devil,the illness,the negative thoughts,memories,anger,fear,every rotten thing anyone has done or said recently that I know on one side and the positive,secure thoughts,God,scripture from the Bible,program tools on the other. Is a war within myself going on. It stops after 8PM,has been like this for a long time, as day is done,only for it to start again the next day when rise. I enjoy being alone with my pets,being outside sitting in my yard alone at night,like the aloneness as no one understands here except someone else with this. I work hard to be honest,not manipulative. I am screaming inside,help me! Can't you see how much pain I am in? I just want some attention in a good way. Someone to talk to me nicely and not tell me what i should be doing like they understand where I am coming from as they don't. I have an exneighbor I see every once in awhile who is clueless as to why someone so smart as me and aware of her issues can't rise above them. The answer to that is if do too much I crack up.

Two things, I on't get involved with anyone nor will I work many hours. Why? If doesn't work out I will have a breakdown and be in hosital,not a nice place to be and be psychotic. I fear I won't get ot and will never return to any semblance of sanity which I do have. Is like I live in a parallel universe with the average person. I hear what are saying arond me but it is completely alien to my life. I hear commercials like this activity is going on this weekend. I can't get there so I stay home. I would like to go but no money either. If did though, I would appear perfectly normal as the mask i wear is so good. That is why noone has any compassion for me. They have to work for what have and figure so do I. What do you do with someone too imbalanced to? Live as I do I guess falling between a system that doesn't work,one day at a time in quiet desperation.

I get so tired of cli nical and text book reports of what BPD is. I want to know what one can do if they have it.