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Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts

Friday, March 27, 2009

Alone, again Naturally


Remember that song? Well, I do an I hated it then and still do! Another tear jerker was 'The DAy the music Died' -Don McLean or better yet 'All By Myself!" don't want to be..all by myself, anymore! (revamped version by Celine Dion, ha!) Anyway..I am alone, partly by choice as I am choosey as to whom I befriend and spend time with.. Of late I am feeling the magnitude of what that means and is and it kind of scares and saddens me. Granted I am not unique in my experience as many other people live alone ansd some prefer or love it! in fact, you can live alone but still enjoy a great social life and have a terrific network of dear friends. Not my case though. I don't call or reach out as I just feel 'in the way' as they have their own family,friends and lives and appear diinterested in me and wanting to know me better or be around me.

Technically, mind you, I am not physically alone as I live with 3 hairy beasts! yes..4 cats and a dog but..when it comes to human beings, there I would say, I would be lacking. I really don't have anyone I could truly say that I could depend on or who would be there for me in a pinch. Yes I have my elderly mom and and an old boyfriend. By that I mean, an "ex", although come to think of it, he is old too!! He lurks in the shadows of my life and visits a couple of times a week, usually to grubs off me both for food and money,as he doesn't use a budget and is perpetually broke,ugh! He will say he will be coming over but will go to sleep instead and not call so..I wouldn't exactly call him a rock of dependability.

I am pre or perimenepausal as they say as just got my 'friend' again after months of not getting it as I thought I was threw with that and I was fine about it. Now I am bleeding alot and depressive due to hormones. Getting better though but perhaps is why I felt sad and introspective all of a sudden.

I have neighbors who saying "hi" is a stretch, let alone asking for anything so for the most part, I don't bother to speak to them. Many people pass by as I live near a park in a farm community upstate in NY but, they stare at me and look in my windows and go on their merry way.

How bout you? Are you alone? lonely? What do you do to cope with your feelings?

Another great article on being alone can be found here on 'Open SAlon', a blog site for writers. Check it out! AND AS ALWAYS,'here's to your health!'

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Inspirational Quotes






"Letting Go"

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off....
It's the realization that I can't control another.....

To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

~ ~ ~ ~ author unknown ~ ~ ~ ~


Do everything with a mind that lets go.
Do not expect any praise or reward.
If you let go a little, you will have a little peace.
If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
If you let go completely, you will know complete peace and freedom.
Your struggles with the world
will have come to an end.

insight meditation - achaan chah



Subject: Life is a Gift

There was once a blind girl who hated herself
for no other reason except that she was blind. She hated everyone,
except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that
if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One
day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see
everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "Now that
you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when
she saw that her boyfriend was blind. Not wanting to be burdened by a
'blind' person, she refused to marry him. Her loving, devoted and
understanding boyfriend walked away in tears, his heart obviously
broken. The girl who had been so fortunate to have the world opened up
to her, continued enjoying it; day in and day out....trying to never
miss a single pleasure life had to offer. A while later she received a
letter from her ex-boy friend which stated simply......."I sincerely
hope you enjoy your life. Your happiness was all that ever mattered to
me. I am so happy that you are enjoying life as I always hoped you
could. "I would like to ask one parting favor of you my dear ... Just
take care of my eyes."


This as sad as it may seem is how the human
brain changes when our status changes. Only a few remember what life was
like before and who has always been there even in the most painful
situations.


Life Is A Gift Today! Before you think of
saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food
Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife -
Think of someone who is crying out to God for a companion.

Today, before you complain about life - Think of
someone who went too early to their graves.

Before you complain about your children - Think
of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house, someone
didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the
streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive -
Think of someone who walks the same distance.

And when you are tired and complain about your
job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they
had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or
condemning another -Remember that not one of us are without sin and we
all answer to one maker.


And when depressing thoughts seem to get you
down - Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still
around.


Life is a gift...
Live it...
Enjoy it....
Celebrate it...
And fulfill it.
Celebrate the gift and open your present
daily.....
"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along their way."



No mistake I read this today as is just what I needed as I get very down. I get angry at mean spirited people or when I feel slighted by so called freinds when they let me down. It is then I need to dig in my heels and pray more and do more for myself and don't depend on others who may let me down or some who say mean things as they hurt and have been hurt and is how they were treated. Have felt pretty down of late but I am working it thru. I do mantra to Let Go of the thoughts,problems and people in my life...and let God in. I can't, he can I think I'll let him. When I try to run the show I always feel bad. Hard to know what his will is for me tho..today is do the laundry and then work on this site a bit and take a nap,eat and watch some tv later. My priority is keeping me well. I had suicidal thoughts Friday but my pets save me as they,mom and birds depend on me. I feel lonely as am alone alot as I protect self. I am around people tho when go to store and such so not alone in world tho I get lonely. Goal is to keep self safe daily and do the next sober thing.

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it..."~~Mark Twain

I need to have some forgiveness like I show to my mom who did her best with what she had but I still was a neglected kid. It is that kid in me that feels these feelings when it gets triggered by others. I lived with my dad's aunt and daughter growing up with my aunt's daughter visiting and they pretty much took over raising me as they hated my mom and bullied her. Why did they hate her?! Because they felt she wasn't good enough for my dad who wsn't perfect either. My mom is a person and has good in her and is smart. One of the greatest things I see in her is acceptance of how things are in life. I am an idealism who tries to change the world around me.. I do not think it isn't admirable to be like me as I do change a fw things in this life by being in it Like "It's a wonderful life" our lives do touch others' lives for better or worse and there is a lesson to be learned in the contact we make wtih others. She also lowers her expectations of others and life so she isn't disappointed. I expect good and am disappointed when it doesn't turn out that way. I then feel down for the attempt. Perhaps I need to be more realistic of how things and people are. I need to look for the good in each day and in people and not their faults.

My mom left when I was 16..I visited her and later came to live with her as they had replaced scape goating her with doing it to me. Not fun. She for the most part watched tv after work and I had depressd by 16. Also in car accident with head injury. Also mugged and beaten up. It effected me as I couldn't concentrate,sad alot,had problems remembering stuff thus home work was hard. Also got picked on by a few men @ 30 at job at hospital which was ridiculous due to my age. .Didn't learn how to deal with conflict but started avoiding it and ignoring perpetrators. I learned to keep to self to avoid pain.Being alone did make me an easy target tho for bullies and young peole in grous as they would throw the occasional insult to impress friends. Also have been a crime victim several times as walked alone and wasn't a fighter.l I have become more alert to my surroundings and am not out ast night,don't carry much cash,moved to rural area and so on..

I am finally coming to terms with this stuff now instead of the weekly check in at the therapist's office. She says what's new? How's it going? Then poof time is up. Guess is what therapy and 12 step and journaling is about as it brings it to the front. Can't hide from it any loonger. Deal with it or stay buggy. Why it is a courageous act as few realy want to face past and selves now to free self for a better tomorrow. Is easier to escape it with food shopping or whatever for the quick fix and burry head in sand and avoid it and stay as nutty as everyone around knows you are and doesn't tell you. Maybe some do but it is said in such a way that hurts your feelings and you retaliate rather than do anything. Many of us are this way due to unhealed issues of the past. I stay away from joining clubs taht might interest me for fear I may not be accepted and just have aquaintences and coworkers at school and work but noone close or to care about or be cared for.

Raise Mental Health Awareness Today (May=Mental Health Month)

Raise Mental Health Awareness Today (May=Mental Health Month)
Why are there no runs for Mental Health?!

Me..

Me..
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landscape painting

landscape painting
by Stanley Maltzman,(great art teacher. I studied with him.)

My water color painting

My water color painting
"Cows" (Click link to see more of my ART!)

Henry Hudson River

Henry Hudson River
Quadricentennial

Me

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on the couch..Yeh, who doesn't need therapy?!

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