Borderline Personality Disorder and Me..

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(cont.)from select family,friends,support groups,chats,online and locally,humor,distract with movie,tv,not triggering),volunteering,cooking nice meal,hugging self,compassion for self,others,prayer,dropping judgement,expectations,comparing,moping,self pity,manipulating,complaining,worry,hypersensitivity,letting go of,making peace with past,forgiving those who hurt us,accept,be honest,courageous,positive,grateful,remember where were before,(replace old negative statements in writing with positive ones,reduce anger,fear with reframing,working self down,staying in day,control addictions,ask for help,company,not enabling helps. All relative. Put inspiring quotes on walls. Peace,God bless,good luck to all of us. Work it, worth it,stronger,better than you know. Brain remembers,we learn in time not to repeat same mistakes and walk down different st. so don't fall in hole again. Is crux of it. Weren't loved so we have to love us. Don't accept others trash just because have issues,maybe poor,jobless,friendless as keep to self to avoid pain or not being understood. No.one deserves abuse. It ends here,now when we say enough and take back that child,person wounded,depend on selves not another as a crutch,learn to and receive love and walk. No shame,not to blame. We didn't cause this but responsible for what do with it. Is like a balloon. By doing techniques I gave you and do myself,we let a little air out of it at a time so suffering lessens and is bearable We are great and survivors. If you are still here,you are doing more right than wrong. Nothing wrong with us,more like what happened to us. Celebrate your survival. When you finally overcome this you are a miracle and learn to love yourself. No one can take that from you.

Our journey inspires others to make the same as we fly on the backs of us pioneers just like geese taking turns leading,squawking,til we tire and let our sister,brother lead for a time til we reach our goals. Perfection is an illusion. We are ok right now as are,not defective.We need each other as we are part of a unique flock. We are not crazy but have been exposed to violence,etc. that made us function in maladaptive ways as we couldn't be direct to our abusers. When we find a safe place to live,take the right medicine,find a trauma therapist,meet other BPD peers,begin to use these tools above, the healing begins. Don't expect people who haven't lived this to understand and ask for advice as they can't give it to you. Is like we speak an unknown language. They can have empathy but they need to be in a group to deal with us. We are not bad just very misunderstood.

If click on link above can see various youtube videos concerning this illness,it's causes,treatment options,personal stories by those living ith BPD. I believe while it possible to get beyond the criteria for meeting this illness,based on the DSM manual,it is something llike alcoholism that one needs to be are of and manage for the rest of one's life. We can have a life today though due to the wonderful work and commitment from doctors in this field and the personal stories of people with this.

It is my wish that one day people with mental illness are treated with the same respect given to others with physical illnesses people can see. The best remedy is tolerance and inclusion not isolation as it breeds sickness. By daily doing what is necessary,not what we feel like doing we learn to cope with our feelings and let them rise and fall and run their course without attaching danger to them. we stop making mountains out of molehills and gradually learn ne ays of dealing with those and thew world around us and situations e may find ourselves in. We learn to make good decisions not impulsively,for us and our self esteem and security within us grows as we begin to have more and more positive experiences replacing the awful ones from the past. We stop staring as nothing ever changes there. we accept we have no power over others but ourselves and our attitudes and we begin to live life on life's terms not our own. As they say in 12 step promises.these will surely come if we work for them.

D.A.R.E. day in Greene County NY

While I appreciate your comments to my posts, I would ask firstly that they pertain to topic and are not spam in nature. Thanks!

re:DARE day

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FROM:
ann Eagan
TO:
darecop1700@yahoo.com
Message flagged Friday, September 23, 2011 11:37 PMMessage body
Hi,

I am an artist,jewelry designer living in Cairo. I usually go to events and sell my jewelry and art. DARE day is different. Also have been a speaking on living green at green fairs and taught jewelry class at library.What I do is healing arts in the form of jewelry making,art(painting) and some photography. I practice alternative medicine,meditation,deep breathing,stretching etc. My story is one of recovery as have struggled with depression and anxiety(in form of being down,hard to do things like homework and socially shy,nervous to point didn't want to attend school anymore and only graduated as guidance counselor referred me to pastoral counseling at Iona college,as from Westchester originally,went to school on scholarship in Rye) for many years.

What I would like to do at DARE if could is speak on mental health awareness,suicide prevention, teaching tolerance,preventing violence like from gangs,a Columbine, bullying and i see it tell an adult(as gay young teen killed himself recently and had a video on youtube about being harrassed in school for years) It is not easy growing up,being a teen,figuring out who you are,trying new things,trying to fit and maybe don't. Not everyone is or can be a foot ball star or cheerleader. Even they put on a mask and really are just trying to be a certain way to be accepted. Many parents live vicariously through their kids making them do things kids don't really want to do like play foot ball when would rather play guitar.

Sometimes kids feel like they are a disappointment. They can be impulsive and is why drink and try drugs as is around and then get behind the wheel. They don't think things thru and think they are invincible.

The name of my company,such as it is as really an artist on a small budget with a website,is Artzstuf. I could suggest alternatives being the arts in it's many forms:dance,music,painting,jewelry design,theater. I would say to be yourself once you find her/him and not to let anyone tell you you can't do something and give up on your dream just because they have on theirs. Parents will recommend going to business school and then get into whatever when graduate and kid hates it. What I do is clearly not for everyone but I am someone unimpressed by degrees and other things like prestige,power,prosperity. Getting by is enough. I bring beauty into the world What would this world be without people like us,or if everyone was a clerk? We are all different and called to be different things. I think we need to embrace our differences that make us who we are and look for the good in each other rather than the bad or the differences that divide us and as say in 12 step choose 'principles over personalities'. Many adults forget this and encourage 'hate speech',prejudice and raise children with closed minds and full of fear like themselves. I think such homes create bullies.

I have faith in something higher to which call God flowing through me so the sky's the limit. Life is an adventure and not a destination and it is no easier by not taking chances than not playing it safe and being bold. The fearful still fall in the same holes as the fearless.

There are many in this town who like to control it and don't welcome any change or those with different,new ideas. With regard to mental health. Many go down to clinic by park and live lives of isolation on outskirts of society and not mixing with it as are stigmatized. Mental,emotional illness is often caused by trauma at an early age such as child abuse,neglect and ,there are some genetic links that run in families and scientists have even seen with brain scans the brains of those with say depression function differently than those who don't . This is carried into adult hood and wreaks havoc on the one who has it and the lives they touch. Medication helps quite a bit so should tell you something. Besides being a problem in the thought area(negative thinking->bad feeling->negative,self destructive behavior ), there is a problem in how the brain is functioning or the chemistry of it. This affliction effects thousands of people. It is said 3 million people in the US alone have bipolar. How come people aren't talking about this more? I have a mood disorder. I am not one for labels as I am a logical person. They are used by shrinks to get paid by insurance companies. Not into labels that put people in neat little boxes as guess what life is messy. I take an antiseizure drug as I compare when go on shopping spree,the manic working,etc. to a seizure. My mom had them and takes something and antidepressant. Why the shame if is physical but effects the brain and body? Many feel is a private matter. I think there is a link between this and epilepsy. I also was in a car accident,head broke wind shield,at 16. Mild head injury or post concussion syndrome.

Can educate people about head injury too as do a bit dail,can get tired with meds,don't compare,block out others suggestions which took me years to do like don't take meds.

I am not ashamed of what i have as didn't cause this. John Bradshaw who wrote 'Healing the Shame that Binds You' wrote and also he was on PBS'shame is that we are a mistake,guilt is that we made a mistake'. I am no mistake. I even had a librarian here in town stand next to me while i was on pc and she said 'freak',. She is a bully and this makes some uncomfortable as usually hide some similar issues themselves. Say I can why can't you?. Not sure if directed at me as she was hanging around looking at what i was typing. She is odd herself. He describes how dysfunctional families have members in them with different roles:mascot,scape goat and so on. I was the invisible one who got good grades as is how I got any attention. Otherwise I was a slave. Cleaned around home,did landscaping and such. I used to hide from my relatives..

Later was a crime victim,was in unhealthy relationships as unhealthy and never learned how to love and receive it,had trouble sustaining employment due to social part of it,the getting along with others,especially if I felt illtreated and home burgled 2 as is why came up here.
Is common for those to be victimized,especially by criminals as are passive,often alone. I am not sure how you serve this population who one doesn't hear about unless they jump off a bridge or kill family then self after lose a job. I say a bandaid is put on it for years. Comes down to trauma and facing it and dealing with what has happened so doesn't happen again and the suffering stops. One stands up for self,learns to love who they are and go on. Not to sing my praises but I think my story is an important one and a gift to this generation. I am not crazy but have been in some crazy situations and met bullies who didn't stand u to out of fear. 'If don't stand for something you will stand anything' No one deserves abuse. It makes you crazy. I and others like me deserve so much more. Their ignorance,and not in my back yard attitudes keep them from knowing people so they rather distance selves and judge,point the finger which points back at them,as makes them feel better about selves as lack self esteem. they look for what they think are easy targets as see others shooting at them and know we might fight against one but not a whole group. Can honestly say,have 8 neighbors who hardly know mr,dislike and talk about me,say hurtful thins as can be sensitive. I am working on not being so and letting past go that wake up to each morning like Ground Hog Day.

There are self help groups such as Emotions Anonomys and Recovery Inc to heal from emotional illness yet few therapists speak or recommend them. I found out through self help clearing house. I have used many things to feel better and not just traditional methods. Currently I try to work witn 'the system' am in to get out of poverty. Government programs such as VESID say if want to be a clerk again they can ghelp and give me a job coach other wise no dice. Is kind of likie saying was in a fire so now be a fireman. They won't support my vending. Live on disability.

I would like some help in sharing it with schools,t DARE,with the police force(to give them a different slant on mental illness to wellness) and to educate people and bust the stigma. If expose it to the light of day,it loses it's power to control and scare us.

Walking in the light,

Ann

Bought a tent,used for my biz today..

Closer to... SANE!: Today was last Cairo Market day

While I appreciate your comments to my posts, I would ask firstly that they pertain to topic and are not spam in nature. Thanks!

New web site is being worked on to increase traffic and can help more people holistically to supplement traditional medicine. Check back often to see how it is progressing. Again, do not claim to be a doctor so dont say to go off your meds that work or stop seeing doctor,therapist but to try some of my suggestions such as making art,the arts(dance,singing,music),deep breathing,stretching,meditation,etc. as a therapeutic approach to wellness.

Am off to sell some chakra jewelry and healing stones and share with public their healing powers. Also will offer some teaching of meditation.

Enjoy your day. -Ann

Expectations are best avoided so won't be disappointed,frustrated..

Today was last Cairo Market day

While I appreciate your comments to my posts, I would ask firstly that they pertain to topic and are not spam in nature. Thanks!

Had a good opportunity today to practice the 'not being effected by what others say and do that may be hurtful and unexpected'principal. I was supposed to get the balance of money due from a client who bought a piece of jewelry. Instead she said that I 'didn't do a good job making it and she didn't want it' after wearing it a week and saying she liked it and i let her take it when she only gave me $24 as a deposit when item was $55 and she owed me on previous order $12. Initially I was annoyed but didn't show it but instead gave her some money had on me. Will not do biz with her again. Bracelet was custom-made to boot. I gave it to my mom who liked it. There was nothing wrong with it. Decided to let her and it go. All good, as I made back $40 from other customers and have another order for $20. God is good. I choose to 'wear this world as a loose garment' til I am with the Lord. Before I would have been angry and said something and then been sad,as had planned to spend the money on some things needed. I can't expect people to do what say. Need to expect disappointment and frustration as part of life and being realistic. Can't be sensitive although my nature as an artist. Also some are rude,crude,inconsiderate,stupid but must endure for my mental health. Can only control me and my attitude. Can't expect people to think like me. I can hang out and do biz with nicer people in the future and get my money up front before make anything and let them know it is non-refundable. Is why I prefer the quick sale at shows as it gets to be too much running a biz.