Women,Men,sex,toys...

This came up after seeing a post on link referral forum regarding why Adult sites get such a bad rap?! She said her site was tasteful and she sold sex toys at parties and online and such. i agree that is tasteful ad done with class. It does deal with adult subject matter and content tho so could be placed in this category. Unfortunately there are many porn sites under this heading too which is not positive. Porn can be very unhealthy and addictive the way it is marketed by men generally for men. Is negative for all concerned except for producers,photographers and mobsters who make the real $. Many runaways are used in this industry for snuff films as noone wil notice them when they go missing. This biz makes it's $ from the flesh of people who are addicted to sex. Usually they were abused as kids,had low self esteem or few friends and were manipulated into the business by men who said they could make quick cash. Often they get addicted to it or on drugs and have to support habit by doing it.

Now the industry has become big business thanks to Jenna Jameson and the like. There are few like Jenna tho and most are corrupted and used by the business. Society gets off to the graphic images they see on film. We see the smiling beautiful faces and gorgeous bodies of thiese women. We do not see the clymidia on the set,them dying from aids, drugs and violence. You might want to think of that the next time you visit a strip club or buy a video. Who are these girls,women? They are us and our children. They are not trash and whores. Putting them in a box with a label is an easy way to deal with them so we can objectify them.

The link above tho is to an adult toy store and is tastefully done. It is for you and your lover,g/f,b/f or spouse. SEx here is presented in a positive light and not a degradng one.

Post below from Link Referral Forum:
Post By: member_46638 Post Date: 2007-04-12 00:20:34
name: Ann
location: New York, United States
member since: 2006-02-17
member profile

http://www.freewebs.com/annspets4/
health / general

topics started: 8
replies posted: 29

her site has adult subject matter and toys which many use as well as many read and view the magazines like Playboy etc. There is nothing wrong with this. I think many need to loosen up a bit around sex and also bring it to the open as when we don't discuss it in the home and little is taught on it in school one grows up feeling badly around it. It can be enjoyable. Don't let otehrs' hang ups effect you in life and in the bed room. Be self and do waht you are comfortable with. Some are afraid to be seen buying a condom or asking for them at a pharmacy. Tell me waht is more embarrassing,having aids or getting a condom?! There comes a point where we need to do waht have to do and not worry so much about waht others think as who are they? what do they do for us? If they don't approve of waht we do or say than they don't like us for us anyway and maybe just maybe we shouldn't be around them for our own Mental health.

The sites listed here are all thrown together under Adult heading implying porn, eventhough some are cam sites which are soft core and involve self only from home. Many play on cam and im each other on pc for entertainment anyway. Sites that sell sexy photos,lingerie,toys and do cam chat are not porn.


I believe if site is under adult then people going to such a site should bear this in mind before they enter and not give it a bad review because shows some nudity,video clips to get one to join,buy photos,videos or a cam show.


They know exactly what they are getting when they go there. As ADULTS we have the option to cahnge the channel. The same is true on web. Move on different strokes for different folks (pun intended) ha!


Again sites selling adult toys would do better under miscellaneous general. Have also seen them under health/general as sex is a bodily function and is a healthy thing providing persons involved are responsible,respectful and honest with each other. It is not love, it is just sex,a primal urge. Took me years to figure taht one out as a woman along with a woman's approach to it is generally different than a man's as she has more to lose. Toys are a lot safer way to go than bieng hurt emotionally,physically,diseaased,pregnancy,abortion,addicton and feeling badly after if man hits the road. There is still a double standard for women. Men lose respect for a woman when they get it What about them?! They do not seem to lose respect for selves. Who did se just sleep with ?! She didn't do it alone! Women even call women who are not invoved and date and have sex sluts too. They oppress each other. Is a sexist view. Yes sexism like gay bashing and racism is still alive and well. Not sure what women are to do if have needs and men don't want a commitment. Be with an awful man just to have someone? CAveman,when we were treated as chattle and owned by men,had dowries to be married off,no rights are over. Why many are living alone now adays. Yes, it gets lonely some times but is better than the alternative. I think of this as I sit on my toilet and don't fall in because a guy left it up,yes as I sleep in my bed with noone snoring next to me. Or even farting during sex. Yes my toy looks better and better. There is no Prince Charming altho many are sold on the Cinderella complex and expect to be saved and want to depend on a man,who is out for himself. We even give the book to little girls to perpetuate the myth. I don't look at the fashion magazines anymore except when in a super market now for free and I look at the clothing not the anorexic chicks. I don't care to look at the articles on how to keep a man,how to keep him in the bed and so on...What about him pleasing me? It's a two way street. Alot of women waste too much energy trying to snag a guy. Both play games and in the end may be surprised to see who they really got. Then is the trick to see if you want to keep it going or run.

I tried having it like a man as I had my own $ and apt and took care of self. Some thought badly of me but weren't me and I had my reasons for doing this as I had been hurt in relationships so got the closeness and sex but without the commitment and having to please another and have to deal with the whole expectation thing. I also had a feminist view of it. What was good for the goose was good for the gander. We are all human and aren't gonna change for another. Best to care for one as is and hope the other does with you inspite of warts. It was not society taht stopped this behaviour but myself who decided this is dangerous,not healthy spiritually or physically. Oh by the way that goes for a man as well as for a woman. * there is a trend with young people in teens and twenties having casual sex even now discusses in Psychoogy Today on sex on link on first page of my site. I am about Tolerance and self respect and love as I am not as you think I should be. TAke out log in your eye before yo worry about the speck in mine! Every action has a reaction. Do good and good will return to you. Karma. Avoid People places and things where act out,also critical people and work a program for waht ails you and I think is a good prescription for everyone who lives on this planet now. de nile = denial is not just a river in Egypt.

I deal with my past and live now with God. He died for me and I am forgiven but I am human so I will not do it perfectly. I do not turn my back on it but have learned from it as made me who I am. When we are young we are just trying to find out who we are and want to do with our lives. Is not easy and can get lost in other people's stuff. Why I keep to self as I like to hear myself think. I also don't want to be influenced by the wrong people.

I love me,respect me and understand me and when I am talked about or criticized by others who don't understand waht I am about I forgive em so my anger is less so not as depressed. I also am not as fearful of others as walk with God and know I am his child and am beautiful as I am. Taht is my focus and not others who are entitled to their views. MYOB=Mind your own business.

To thine own self be true and you can not be false to any man.

I have a friend and spend time with him. This is how i live my life for now for me. Maybe one day I will meet a real nonjudgemental man who likes waht I am about and can deal with it and me. Til then I need a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Be self and have a life and spend time if person is nice to you not because you think you have to have someone. It is better to be alone, (and by that I mean can have friends but not in relationship).. for the right reasons than with some Body for the wrong..is not fair to you or them in the long run.

/Problem

Problem


I was angry that I had to go thru all this stuff. I asked why me? God replied why not you? I never promised you it would be easy. All of us had burdens in life. Just some hide them better. When emotional like I can be it is more noticeable. I am trying to watch what I say and be positive as alot of it is how I think. Mental illness still contains stigma,anger and fear around it as it is not understood. Many think of us as nutty and dangerous. These are but a few and most of us are victims of crime due to our passivity,fear of others,being alone as we avoid others and they avoid us making us easy prey for criminals. Emotional illness effects us all to some degree as we all have emotions and live on the same earth. Many hide it and manage it better is all. None of came from perfect families and we all have issues. For some tho it is more and a chemical imbalance and is genetically and environmentally linked. Partially has to do on how was raised and runs in families just as addiction does and abuse. One acts today due largely on how was parented and socialized.

(BP) bipolar,which affects 3 million Americans alone, can be helped with therapy and medication. This is not 100% tho and there is no cure and nooone ever is recovers completely. It is just arrested daily and managed. How is it managed? By watching who one is around and what one does in a day to avoid stressors and toxic people. These same things would not bother the average person but because people with BP are more sensitive it does. Many artists:musician,actors,writiers have this but give so much to society. Some have shared on having this recently like Jane Pauley,Linda Hamilton and others to bring it more out to the open and not behind closed doors. One is only as SICK as one's secrets. In the light of day and by talking about them they become less scary. Why some have also shared in open forums such as hospitals at conventions,schools at the auditorium,churches,etc. so such individuals will be more accepted in society. Hate the sin not the sinner.

One can control one's strong reactions to certain people by disipating one's anger which is often a part of mental illness. Women tend to turn it inward as depression and men outward. We all do and say dumb things as are human. This helps us lose anger. Fear is another part of illness and one can get paranoid and think others are talking about and laughing at them and one is less then because has this and others know more as can think straight even tho we are smart. By turning it over to God and having faith this helps overcome this. Being around others closely in groups tho may still be hard and many function better working alone or at home and have a few friends and avoid groups of people and busy stores. What is mania? The oppposite of the lows of depression one feels happy but also irritable,stressed and the mind is racing with many thoughts so one has to keep moving and doing things. This is often caused by extreme stress,possibly a change in life. this is why it is important to limit change in life altho life is about change major changes can cause one to "cycle" or go in waves from high to low. Often caused also by not taking meds or taking them not at prescribed dose as dose often causes them to lose highs and they feel base line or not happy or sad. Often unfortunately many feel sad as not on right antidepressant or one needs to do more cognitive therapy which is changing negative thoughts to positive. *For more on bipolar click links on Bipolar Planet and Bipolar World Some keep mood charts. What are they?! Mood cahrts measure moods highs and lows based on teh days occurences and who came in contact with and waht was said and one's reactions to it. The goal is to realize can't control other's but we can act not act by accepting them and not personalizing everything like many with depression do.

Ten common thought distortions depressed people often follow are:

1.Mental filtering (something negative happens and then everything is negative)

2. Personalization-taking things personally

3. All or nothing thinking. Can't see greys. If one thing goes wrong it is all wrong.

4. Disqualifying the positive

5. Maximizing and minimizing.

6. Jumping to conclusions

7. Should statements

8. Overgeneralization

9. Emotional Reasoning_ex. I feel bad so therefore I am bad.

10. Labeling and Mislabeling

Those with (BPD) borderline personality disorder have abandonment,intimacy and trust issues. Often they have chosen partners and friends,employers who reinforce these feelings experienced as a child because they have unfinished business here. Also feel wouldn't attract a nice,caring man or woman friend. We can get child like at times as inner child comes out. It is important to acknowledge the child and not shove it down. Also illness resembles OCD,obsessive compulsive disorder as when one has a thought obsessing on it constantly like a new lover in the life,someone who has treated us shabbily or a job. Then one acts from a compulsive area acting out if lover doesn't call. for ex. May go out with someone else.

Also BPD is like PTSD,post traumatic disorder as when under stress brings up abuse as a child and low frustration level and trauma so gets symptomatic and back down from a job or relationship. What causes it? Due to neglect in home I was shy and withdrawn and an easy target for bullies in school. Also was a victim of crime a few times which caused me to dissociate or go some place in my head and can do that now if some one is unkind or abusive like was hit in face by an old b/f as he was screaming in my face. I came to have a hard time on job dealing with the social aspects of it. Men have not stuck with me and have left as couldn't handle or didn't understand or care to understand illness. How does one cope if feel like a child alot inside even tho in an adult body?! Mastery...the more we accomplish and grow in confidence we earn we can truly take care of us on our own and we lose the fear and the pain taht child experienced.She/he willl always be tehre ready to pop out screaming we don't want to do this at the oddest of times when presented with some thing we fear. Some times it is in our best interests to heed taht voice. Other times we must say I know you are afraid but I as an adult will now protect you so we don't get hurt. So the abuse stops and we come to terms with the past and can move on and forgive those who mistreated us in their pain.

Getting together with a friend or other support person helps me(once a week). Also speaking with therapist once a week. Unlike others I have few friends as is hard to understand this and to be around it. But that is now and I do continue to be friendly and atleast I am around people when I shop. Slowly I hope to open the gates of trust and in time be known and trusted also by more people.

I hope you enjoy my site. It is my wish that you learn something on addiction and emotional illness. Is intertwined with codependency, usually with another addict or rescuer who is also known as the enabler. It is rooted in the family dynamic and thus is a family illness and not just the addict's or emotionally ill person's problem. Difficulty with controlling emotions usually stems from lies were told and the ones we now tell ourselves. Many have depression and stress in lives now. I believe while we are all sensitive, some are more so than others and for them living and working closely to others who say and do wahtever without thinking of who they are speaking to can be very difficult. They do not have "thick skins" but thin despite being told to "toughen up".

The health care system doesn't work the way it is set up as there is a division in society with those who have emotinal challenges versus those who don't. Those with mental illness depend on mental health services and meds,live in group homes,work in MHA,mental health association,where they don't deal with the public. When the outside gets too hard they go in hospital for a week til insurance runs out and go back out to a society who doesn't understand them,doesn't care as they think not their problem and doesn't effect them. This creates a viscious cycle taht is repaeated by many in the System,instead of keeping people out and supporting thru positive reinforcement small steps to connect to healthier,tolerant,kind,consistent people.

Since I for instance KNOW I have problems and work on them daily and don't deny them..I am in some ways healthier then those who don't and kill,hurt their kids,elders,steal and what not. Also some have bipolar and other disorders and deny it and just work and struggle thru society and don't get along with others. What needs to happen is taht we become more accepting of those who are different as God doesn't make junk. We can all learn from each other. What have I lerned from this?! To be humble and lose ego..Because of this the way I look at life is different. It's not about making alot of $ but live comfortable and be able to enjoy it and consider the poor and help thy neighbor. Sometimes this means smiling,saying a kind word,opening or holding a door. People can be cruel as don't understand it which makes person keep to self and stay depressed as can be lonely living this way. I want to add that it isn't mentally healthy to be mean to another. Cho,who killed all the student at VA Tech was bullied all thru high school himself. While many won't kill just because hurt by others is important to look at self and ask do I want to perpetuate this just because I see others do it?! Can I risk not being popular and say Enough!

We can only create a healthier society by stopping the sick way many of us speak to one another. We are all equal and worthy and God's children. We deserve love and respect just because we are alive and not for what we do which often is never enough as we have been told as children that many things we did were wrong and perhaps even we were bad. Doesn't help when many in society are the same way because of what they came out of. All we can do is stick with supportive,uncritical,loving people and minimize contact with those we don't feel good around. We also need to change the tapes that run in our heads of negative statements some have said to us. Were the words true? If not,rewrite them and move on.