March is Brain Injury Awareness Month..

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All can say is wear your helmet if riding bike. Also before talking about someone with a mental disability within ear shot of them that you are being rude and would you want the same treatment about your shortcomings?! Yes we all have them. Remember you too can get this injury. Also 1 in 4 people will have a mental illness at some point in their lives. ex. a death of a parent and one gets very down leading to depression beyond the average grief process,if there is such a thing. Remember people with mental challenges whether it be ADD,autism,mental illness,head injury,brain tumor,brain aneurism,etc. deserve the same respect you would give someone with physical illness because it is. Many with mental illness are so because of chemical imbalance in brain making them depressed. When down don't want to do                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    much.

Is terrible what happened today at VA tech

My heart goes out to those kids and their famililies. Is so senseless.

It does show you tho the importance of good mental health and how important it is to try to keep well. Also if we know people who suffer from mental illness it is a good thing to check on them to see if taking meds,going to therapy,doctor and taking care of selves by eating right,showering,changing clothes,getting enough sleep and so on..I am sure in the caase of this young man who shot all these people, there were warning signs and red flags going off. The people in his life chose to ignore them. Probably because they didn't know how to handle it.

Someone could have called his parents that he wasn't acting right. His girlfriend who it is alledged he was after to hurt, could ahve called the police if she knew he was a danger to self and others. Optimally he belonged in a hospital. Unfortuantely this is not always possible as the person is a loose cannon. Unless he can be talked into dgiving up weapons,put in hospital and back on meds...most scenarios turn out this way.

Bush wants to cut funding for Mental Health services and funding to find a cure for mental illness. This includes research. Scientists are always coming out with drugs but they have many side effects.

What is mostly needed in this society is some compassion,education,understanding for those afflicted. Just because people act differently than us doesn't mean we should treat them as if they aren't human and with disrespect. I might also add taht if you know someone is a bit nuts it is common sense to keep mouth shut around them and just agree with them as might wnat to consider the alternative of waht might happen if they lose control and get angry at you.

I think many people do because they are struggling to survive themselves. They expect us to work f/t even when some of us can't. It is for this reason that I keep to self and try to take care of me as best as I can and amuse self. Thank God I have my two cats too as I believe animals are great therapy. Mine definitely are.

Wake up America. How long is it gonna take for you to acknowledge this illness and start dealing with it?! We are not criminals but have illnesses. You have compassion for physical illnesses you can see but not for those you don't see. Mental illness is genetic and is a chemical imbalance as many lack enough seratonin in the brain. We don't need to be treated like freaks for you to ignore,avoid and when homeless step over on the street. Instead we need to be assimilated into society.

The way it is set up now is people go into hospital because they can't handle the stressors of life which many times are unaccepting people around them who expect them to act like them. When they come out they face the same peole again with the same closed minded attitudes. It costs $600/day to keep us in a hospital bed but $700/month to house us in our own apt. Resources are needed in the comunity to support us to keep or apts. and to have someone to help us if too down to clean home or even to go out for coffee with. I think the latter is a more cost effective and humane way to deal with this problem and illness.

walking closely with God

and doing the next sober thing..I am keeping self,pets,home safe. I also feed my wild birds,bunnies out back. All I have control over. I do what can. Good Karma.

As far as career goes.. I say I am an artist. I have made $ off modeling but will only do projects I feel comfortable with. I had done cam chat too but am not doing it anymore as fed my addiction. As for addiction...my first feeble attempts at intimacy were met with abandonment. I thought man would stick by me once we "did it". Not the case..on to next is what they do. Is best not to rush into it unless know real well. Nice in theory but being human hard to control hormones. I also found with rejection is was less painful to have sex when I wanted it but soon it became a compulsion. I also felt embarrassed and guilty by what did as double standard for women. I tried to fight this as a feminist and as men did. In reality I was not a man and had more to risk than a man and paid the price.

Of late I journal in blog here and yes I have the web site so I guess I am sharing my experience,strength and hope with others on this same road. Yes we can live with this,we do not need to be ashamed as is a a sickness like any other and yes we can get better. It does take time. Don't let anyone put you down.

I am trying to come to terms with what has happened to me..the why's,how's and so on. From my understanding..I was hurt by some pretty sick people who them selves were hurt. Also it made them feel better about selves to pick on me for being different and not doing to 9-5 job or whatever their problem with me was. None of their business. It took focus off them. I in turn hurt people by following the drama triangle...one minute perpetrator,next minute victim next minute rescuer..I caught self in it with friend the other day and I caught my self and I said what he does is not business. When I get plank out of my eye can take out speck in his. I had to look at good in him and there is alot there. I have no right to hurt another. I am far from perfect yet he accepts me,cares and isn't judging.

I also resented the men I was hurt by who used me and in turn I said well use him back. I know they feared intimacy like me and settled for this way of getting close if only for a night..which was a misuse of sex and addictive.

I didn't know how to relate to anyone in a healthy way as I didn't accept me. I never was accepted for me. I do now with my flaws and mistakes. I am human. I was brought up to be perfect so human was not acceptable. I am a human being not doing. I have learned it's not about me or you but God. To do what is necessary daily and not just what I want. It doesn't mean I don't have some thing to contribute like my writing as I think I have some thing to say based on what I have learned. I have a place in this world and don't need to excuse myself for being on the planet anymore. I think in this way I can relate to others and be kind without trying to save them,control them and then persecute them when they do not do as I say like I am God and then play the victim. I can only handle me and man that is enough.

So for today I can say I am writing. As a model yes some stuff was published in book,magazine,on web sites,private collectors and yes I was paid so am accomplished by society's standards. I even had a poem published. I have written articles for news paper.

These days I would say I am trying to find some thing to get absorbed in and feel good about. What is a success? Could be many things..being a good parent,having a career,being a good spouse...is a person thing. For me it is having a purpose for good and living a decent life and when I put my head on the pillow being able to live with me. It is not about money. All I need is enough to get by. I don't date as I need to get strong enough in me so don't repeat behaviour of past so I stop being hurt. I am taking care of me and don't need a man to complete me.