Archives of Conferences on BPD

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Just click on link of post title.

I have been having a hard time of late. Why? I suppose alot to accept. Don't have to like it though.

Alone alot as no close friends,any one to do things with or to help me if needed help even if for barter.

Making no money,not for lack of trying. Someone went to an event with me and I paid her back with jewelry make. I asked her if could do an event with me but she had plans. She has a job. Since don't hear from her,figure won't call anymore.

I know people but they have their own lives and problems so detach from me and mine.

type with 1 finger as need battery so hold pc plug or pc cuts off.

welcome to my life.

no car to get to events to sell jewelry. just had concert this weekend.
could have sold if got there. then there's the fee. how can I pay if don't have as not making it? could borrow from ma but her money. Am I a masochist as I have a solution but don't take it? No I don't like pain but avoiding it can be painful too when interferes with living your life. No guarantee will make anything and not gambling with mom's money.

Other than vending,nothing can do given my challenges. Yes I can share with you some things I do to cope like meditation,pray,stretch,deep breathe and so on..but not like I get beyond this. I feel with some support could. Did go to online recovery inc. meeting which helped. had anted to teach meditation class in town. librarians unfriendly tho i know skills. feel they on't call me. I also asked churches if could run ea and recovery inc meetings there. they need to look into it. I feel like will go nuts at times. Is meetups too where can invite people thru service online to group in area like for bpd. Don't think library would approve it. Meditation with someone,not me as stigmatize me,yes would approve. Keep me down here and broke. I could make money off it.

I think of moving as saw ad in Albany,1br for $400. I pay $650 now. Could save $,live better but why so cheap problem bad area. Pic looked nice. dunno. darned if do darned if don't. Mom in home here and would be hard to see her often as $34 round trip by bus and only run at rush hour so layover long back. Is doable and even though spend alot in car fare still cheaper than here. Would have $100 more a month.

Is a pain moving but hat is worse as sucks living here like this. If in Albany,could go to day time meetings,maybe get a p/t job somewhere,trauma therapist up there. I get treated like an alien here. They have family friends. Since I can't bond because of how raised, I don't. I wish could. Is best I keep my distance. As for a job,this comes up there too as can do for awhile but then falls apart. Sometimes I ish I was in a half way house but was for a month and they weren't supportive at all. Then I say how abot hospital,day program but then is the same. Just go to groups and alone rest of time as patients are either mean,noncommunicative,in on worlds,violent. Is why I think of suicide. I don't because of pets,mom,me but it gets tiring being me alot going thru this.

This only started recently as time on hands. I have to keep busy or get into my head.
with depression don't want to do much though so is the rub. I feel better after I do. Also I work programs daily like DBT,CBT,12 step,Recovery Inc,pray. Is like a seesaw. The devil,the illness,the negative thoughts,memories,anger,fear,every rotten thing anyone has done or said recently that I know on one side and the positive,secure thoughts,God,scripture from the Bible,program tools on the other. Is a war within myself going on. It stops after 8PM,has been like this for a long time, as day is done,only for it to start again the next day when rise. I enjoy being alone with my pets,being outside sitting in my yard alone at night,like the aloneness as no one understands here except someone else with this. I work hard to be honest,not manipulative. I am screaming inside,help me! Can't you see how much pain I am in? I just want some attention in a good way. Someone to talk to me nicely and not tell me what i should be doing like they understand where I am coming from as they don't. I have an exneighbor I see every once in awhile who is clueless as to why someone so smart as me and aware of her issues can't rise above them. The answer to that is if do too much I crack up.

Two things, I on't get involved with anyone nor will I work many hours. Why? If doesn't work out I will have a breakdown and be in hosital,not a nice place to be and be psychotic. I fear I won't get ot and will never return to any semblance of sanity which I do have. Is like I live in a parallel universe with the average person. I hear what are saying arond me but it is completely alien to my life. I hear commercials like this activity is going on this weekend. I can't get there so I stay home. I would like to go but no money either. If did though, I would appear perfectly normal as the mask i wear is so good. That is why noone has any compassion for me. They have to work for what have and figure so do I. What do you do with someone too imbalanced to? Live as I do I guess falling between a system that doesn't work,one day at a time in quiet desperation.

I get so tired of cli nical and text book reports of what BPD is. I want to know what one can do if they have it.

Get these Mental Health books NOW

"Acrylic painting I made of a cat with a book bag of books who likes to read!"


You can even find them at your local library as they can order them from another library if your library doesn't have what you want to read!


Date: Sunday, February 1, 2009, 1:59 PM

Here is a list of books which members of the group have found helpful:

1. The number one MUST read for BPD's is: "I Hate You - Don't Leave Me," by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus. ISBN: 0-380-71305- 5

A book that is very helpful for significant others of BPD's is:

"Stop Walking on Eggshells," and the accompanying "Stop Walking On Eggshells Workbook," by Paul T. Mason.

Here is a list of other suggested reading:

101 Foods That Could Save Your Life, by David Grotto, RD, LDN. ISBN: 978-0-553-38432- 1

Angry Heart, The: Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Behaviors. An interactive self-help guide by Joseph Santoro, PhD. ISBN: 1-57224-080- 6

Brilliant Madness, A: Living With Manic-Depressive Illness by Patty Duke and Gloria Hochman. ISBN: 0-553-56072- 7

Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting, and Enjoying the Self, by Charles L. Whitfield, MD. ISBN: 1-55874-259- X

Child Abuse Series by Dave Pelzer:

A Child Called It: One Child's Courage To Survive. ISBN: 1-55874-366- 9

Lost Boy, The: A Foster Child's Search for the Love of a Family. ISBN: 1-55874-515- 7

Man Named Dave, A: A Story of Triumph and Forgiveness. ISBN: 0-452-28190- 3

Help Yourself: Celebrating the Rewards of Resilience and Gratitude. ISBN: 0-525-94357

Courtship Dance of the Borderline, The, by Anthony Walker, MD. ISBN: 0-595-19712- 4. The author's personal account of his involvement with someone having borderline personality disorder is lurid, frightening, fascinating, and compelling. Member, Kay, finds this book hitting some familiar notes, and echoes out sadness as it defines BPD, but does not offer help or helping. At times, it seems like a circus mirror.

Crystal Co-Creators -- by Dorothy Roeder ISBN: 0-929385-40- 3. This book lists various crystals and gem stones, their properties, and believed effects.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook by Matthew McKay.

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You, by Susan Forward, PhD. ISBN: 0-06-018757- 3

Five Love Languages, The: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate -- by Christian writer Gary Chapman. ISBN: 1-881273-15- 6

Getting Control of Your Anger: Break The Cycle of Generational Anger, by Robert Allen, PhD. ISBN: 0-07-144884- 5

Have You Felt Like Giving Up Lately? A source for healing your hurts. By David Wilkerson. ISBN: 0-8007-8481- 2

Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide: Essential Skills for Living Well in an Overstimulating World, by Ted Zeff, PhD. ISBN: 978-1-57224- 396-5

Insulin Resistant Diet, The,: How To Turn Off Your Body's Fat Making Machine, by Cherlye R. Hart, MD, and Mary Kay Grossman, RD. Healthy Diet meal planning for those with insulin resistance, pre-diabetes, or diabetes. ISBN: 0-8092-2427- 5

"I'm Not Good Enough" ... and Other Lies Women Tell Themselves -- by Christian writer, Sharon Jaynes. ISBN:978-0-7369- 1870-1 (pbk.)

Kay Redfield Jamison Bipolar Series:

Unquiet Mind, An: A Memoir of Moods and Madness. ISBN: 0-679-44374- 6

Touched with Fire: Manic Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament. ISBN: 0-684-83183- X

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. ISBN: 0-375-40145- 8

Exuberance: The Passion for Life. ISBN: 0-375-40144- X

Lord, Heal My Hurts -- by Christian writer, Kay Arthur. ISBN: 0-88070-879- 4. (Group Member, Kay, gives this book a 5* rating. Absolutely Excellent.)

PTSD Workbook, The -- by Mary Beth williams PhD and Soili Poijula PhD. ISBN: 1-5724-282-5. Simple, Effective Techniques for Overcoming Traumatic Stress Symptoms.

Time To Grieve, A: Meditations for the healing after the death of a loved one. By Carol Staudacher. ISBN: 0-06-250845- 8

Toxic Parents - Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life -- by Susan Forward. ISBN: 0-553-05700- 6

Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship, " by Christine Ann Lawson.

When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving The Most Complicated Relationship Of Your Life, by Victoria Secunda ISBN: 0-385-30423- 4. Note from member, Kay: I am not sure that terminating a relationship with one's mother is the ultimate option in life. Yes, it may provide a temporary relief to current stress and constant interference, but there are long term considerations, a rippling effects throughout the entire family. My brother terminated his relationship with our parents, and thus ended up terminating his relationship with the entire family. His children never knew their or met their grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins. When his children came of age, the sought out cousins via sources like MySpace and Facebook. I am currently in a situation with my one daughter where I just don't care to spend time with her. I don't want it to be a permanent thing. I told her that I have PTSD issues I need to take care of in therapy, and felt it best
if we took a break from each other for a while. My therapist suggested after I had made some progress in therapy, perhaps the two of us could come to therapy together and come to some sort of workable relationship. My daughter doesn't seem to "get" I need time out, but that's a boundary I'll have to set with her.

Why Am I Up, Why Am I Down? Understanding Bipolar Disorder. Profound mood swings...suicidal feelings...unpredic table behavior..., by Roger Granet, MD and Elizabeth Ferber. ISBN: 0-440-23465- 4

Your Scars Are Beautiful To God: Finding Peace and Purpose in the Hurts of Your Past, by Christian writer Sharon Jaynes. ISBN: 0-7369-1610- 5

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You can change your LIFE simply by how you look at it NOW and altering the way you think. Stop giving your personal power to others and what they think of you and what you do and create your own reality and world that brings you joy. Get out of your rut. This zaps your energy because it creates hopelessness and sadness. Some action may be required but it's worth it. It may be scarey but we have to give up some things,people to have some thing better. ex. you will not meet a new one for a relationship if you are still with the old one. It is important to do own thing and if you are even friends with someone cotrolling thru anger if doesn't get own way and words and actons on your part have failed..it is important tahtn for you to set limits without even saying it. Make yourself suddenly busy,unavailable,minimize contact,go out more and get to know others. cAn be scarey meeting new people and possibly facing rejecton but isn't bad if done in an activity where people are meeting for an art class and may go for coffee after. You can speak of you but don't hog chat. Ask about next person. Be aware if you feel like complaining,drop judgement,accept all,don't compare. be present in the moment. Not in past or future. Be open to new experiences instead of being so influence by the bad that may have happened. Block it out and stay busy. If live in apast or future dyou poo on today. Make yur realtiy better by the things you do daily. Create your own beautiful world. Note* This takes time,just as you didn't get this way over nite,you will not get healthier quickly either. You will improve tho if you commit yourself to this daily. Set a goal. click on page that pertains to what you want to work on.

Altho I am an artist the focus of this site is on health and how to maintain good overall health using SPIES. This encompasses the whole human being's needs and not just one part. I give you tips on how to tap into the spiritual,physical,intellectual,emotional and social parts to self and feed those needs daily. The art is my creative side which I think we all have. I find it relaxing and rewarding:) There is an emphasis on the emotional as I am trying to heal my damaged emotions.

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